


Not By Words

by broedym



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Western, And you know what comes next, DameRey, F/M, Poe Dameron is a cowboy, Rey hires him, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2019-11-15 22:49:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 43,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18082433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/broedym/pseuds/broedym
Summary: Rey inherits a cattle ranch in the old west, and needs a hand. A chance meeting with a cowboy of few words changes everything.





	1. The Great Silence

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know why I’m doing this except I’m a sucker for Westerns and Poe would look good in chaps?
> 
> Yes, I question my life choices.

Nebraska, July 1889.

 

“I need a man.”

Rey – forthright in her thinking and her words – realized she’d made the pronouncement a little too loudly when the few customers in the mercantile stopped and stared at her. She smiled demurely and turned back to the shopkeeper who was tallying her purchases.

“What’s that now, miss?” he asked, tucking a pencil stub behind his ear.

“I’m looking to hire a ranch hand,” she tried again. “How would one do such a thing in this town, I wonder?”

“You’re thinking of staying then? It’s just folks thought, now with your kin gone, you’d be looking to sell up and go back east.”

“Well, ‘folks’ assumed incorrectly.”

He looked at her curiously, and not altogether without judgment. “You can’t be planning to stay out there on your own.”

“No, as I said, I intend to hire a good hand,” Rey stated. “Perhaps a second if the price isn’t too high.”

The man scratched his head, his expression switching to incomprehension as if she weren’t speaking the Queen’s English.

“Well now, most hands would’ve already hired on for the season, the good ones anyway. Maybe you could check at the feed store,” he said but did not sound hopeful.

“Thank you, I’ll do that.”

She passed him her money and waited out front as his boy finished loading all the goods in her small wagon. Rey drew a few glances and she nodded politely, recognizing perhaps a little too late what a novelty she was in the town – the young English woman who thought she could run a cattle ranch. Still, she was used to not fitting in, and ignored the looks she was getting.

The main street was bustling with activity and, it being only her third trip into town, she stood there for a moment to take it all in. Though it was nothing like the crowds or buildings of New York where she had spent the previous year since leaving England, she found it exciting.

Rey went about the rest of her business efficiently, gathering all the supplies she thought she would need, but came up short on the subject of ranch hands. No one seemed to be able to advise her on where she could secure assistance for her newly inherited property. With her time limited if she were to make it back there before nightfall, she resigned herself to returning at a later date and in the meantime she would just have to keep things running on her own.

As much as she enjoyed the diversions of town, Rey was happy to be on her way home. She had worried that the solitude would be her undoing after a lifetime of living with others, and not always in the best of circumstances. But her few months on the ranch had shown her otherwise. Now she reveled in the peace and quiet, and enjoyed keeping house for herself.

Rey turned her face to the afternoon sun and was smiling when she felt the jolt of the wheel hitting something on the uneven ground. She clicked her tongue and tightened the reins to keep the old draft horse on track. Soon the wagon was swaying from the pronounced wobble in the rear wheel, and she was forced to draw to a stop to assess the situation. When she realized it had worked itself loose and threatened to come off completely, Rey looked around uncertainly. She was still miles from the homestead, and even further still from town. When she tried to push the wheel back onto its axle herself it wouldn’t budge. Even without the goods she had purchased weighing it down, she knew it wasn’t something she could achieve on her own.

She allowed herself only a few minutes to bemoan her predicament before deciding on a course of action. If she hurried, and the obstinate nag behaved itself, she could make it back to town before it was dark. Without further delay she secured the recently acquired goods under a tarp in case of bad weather, then went about unbuckling the horse’s harness. It would not be a comfortable journey with no saddle or proper bridle but she had few options.

“We can do this,” she said to the animal and squared her shoulders confidently.

Rey heard the tuneful whistling before she saw its source. She clutched the reins tighter as she peered around the horse’s neck and spied the approaching rider. She thought about the heavy handgun under the wagon seat that she had brought with her but never fired. Hoping the sight of it would be enough if it came to that, she stepped slowly towards the wagon, her eyes never leaving the rider.

His horse whinnied as if in greeting. He was alone and well provisioned. Not a local, she surmised, a traveler. As he got closer she saw his dark beard and tan skin and thought he had the look of a cowboy about him. There was no star on his chest but she noted the guns trapped to each hip and the rifle secured to his saddle.

“Howdy,” he said when he reined his horse to a stop a short distance from her.

She had expected a different accent but he sounded just like everyone else in town. As he sat up a little more in his saddle to take a closer look at the wagon and the fact there was no one else with her, Rey took a deep breath.

“Good afternoon,” she said politely.

“Need some help, miss?”

Rey hesitated before deciding to speak up. “This wheel has come loose. I was about to ride back into town.”

He said nothing as he dismounted, leaving his horse untied to graze, and walked towards her. Rey took a step closer to the wagon seat so the gun would be in easy reach but the rider didn’t even glance at her as he passed by to inspect the wheel.

“I tried fixing it myself,” she said as he squatted down to look at it both front and back.

He glanced at her and his expression suggested he wasn’t surprised that she’d failed. He lifted up the flap of the tarp and saw the sacks of flour, sugar and other food.

“I thought about removing all of that, of course,” she continued defensively, feeling the need to explain so he didn’t think her a simpleton.

The man still didn’t speak but started unloading the goods. He set the sacks down then jumped into the back of the wagon and handed her the smaller crates. Once the tray was cleared he tested the weight of it and seemed satisfied. Next he found a fist-sized rock, gave it to her, and pointed to where she should strike the wheel joint while he lifted the wagon. It took a few attempts, his face turning redder as he strained with the burden of the still-heavy wagon, but Rey was able to position it back in place.

Pleased with her efforts, she went to thank the man but he returned to his horse without a word and began looking for something in his saddle bag. Trying not to feel unnerved by his silence, and keen to be on her way, she started loading her purchases. Then he was at her side again and took over returning the weighty sacks to the wagon and securing them once more. Finally he used a hammer, one she guessed he used for shoeing his horse, to tap the wheel’s metal casing firmly in place.  

“That ought to see you right.”

After he had harnessed the draft horse again and checked the fastenings were secure, he tugged at the brim of his hat and started walking away again.

“Wait!” she cried in surprise. She wasn’t particularly interested in conversing with the man who’d said no more than a dozen words to her, but she also didn’t expect him to leave again so abruptly. “Can I offer you something in return? Some sugar, perhaps? I have apples, too.”

“No thank you, miss,” he said over his shoulder without breaking stride.

Rey let out an exasperated breath. It didn’t seem right that he receive nothing so she followed him around the other side of the wagon.

“I could pay you.” She dug out a coin from the purse attached to her belt and held it out to him. He stopped and turned around. “Please.”

“No thank you, miss,” he repeated. “It’d be a cold day in hell when I’d take money for helping a lady in need.”

Rey thought he sounded a little offended and quickly dropped her hand. “I wish the people in town were the same. I tried to hire a hand to help out at my ranch but there was no one.”

He looked her up and down again. “You have a ranch?”

“A spread a few miles north of here. The San Tekka property.”

“Lor’s place?” He frowned in confusion.

“He was my cousin. I inherited it when he passed away last month.”

The man removed his hat to reveal black curly hair that was matted with sweat on his forehead.

“I hadn’t heard that,” he said quietly.

“Did you know him?”

“Most of my life.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that, Mr.—?”

“Dameron. Poe Dameron, miss.”

“Rey. That’s my name.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your cousin, miss. He was a good man.”

“Thank you.” She wished, not for the first time, that she’d gotten to know the old man better, and learned more about ranching at the same time.

When he put the hat on his head and turned to leave again she took a step forward.

“Would you be interested in a job by any chance, Mr. Dameron?” The question popped out of her mouth before she had fully thought it through, but she forged on regardless. “I seem to find myself without anyone to help with the cattle or horses, what’s left of them.”

“What about Lor’s ranch hands?” he asked as he secured his saddle bag once more.

“I’m afraid they took it upon themselves to abscond with half my cousin’s cows and all but three of the horses.”

He muttered something under his breath in a language she didn’t understand but got the sentiment.

“What did the sheriff say?” he demanded.

“Only that I could put up a reward if I wanted. He doubted they would ever return to the area.” Rey inspected her shoes for a moment. “I’m not sure I can manage on my own, you see, cows not being my regular line of work. I could pay you, say, $30 for the month. If ranching is the kind of work you’re willing to do. And if you need the work, of course. I shouldn’t presume.”

He looked at her for a few moments as if trying to make up his mind. “I just came back from driving cattle in Texas. It’s been some time since I’ve been in these parts. I suppose I could spend the month if you need the help.”

Rey’s chest swelled with gratitude. She strode forward with her hand outstretched to shake on the deal. He glanced down at it awkwardly before pulling off his glove and grasping it firmly.

He agreed to follow her back to the ranch then and there, foregoing his journey to town. It was only once they were underway that Rey questioned the wisdom of inviting a man she didn’t know to work for her, when she was all alone. Especially one with two pistols and a rifle, which seemed unusual for a cowboy – at least in her limited experience.

He seemed steady enough, however, and when he had removed his kerchief to wipe his brow after holding up the wagon she’d spied a silver cross around his neck. She decided he was worth the risk because she couldn’t tend to all the animals and chores on her own, as much as she would have preferred it.

Rey reminded herself of the gun under the wagon seat and determined that she could probably get a shot off if he had any ideas other than work. Beyond that she decided to be grateful for the divine intervention that had delivered Poe Dameron to her in her hour of need.

 

\+ + +

 

The San Tekka property comprised 800 acres nestled in a valley of good grazing grass, surrounded by low hills on two sides. The creek that ran through it provided water for the livestock and there was a pump installed in the kitchen of the small homestead, which Rey was grateful for on a daily basis. What the house lacked in feminine touches it made up for with the conveniences of a wood burning stove and a comfortable feather tick in its sole bedroom.

She had been working in New York as a governess, only vaguely aware of her elderly distant cousin’s existence, when her great-aunt died leaving her little more than a few personal effects and a box of correspondence. Rey found letters from Lor and decided to let him know of her great-aunt’s passing. They wrote back and forth over the next year and she learned of his ranch in Nebraska where he raised cattle. She also became aware of his frequent ill health and, seeing an opportunity to expand her horizons, accepted his invitation to visit and look after him during his recovery.

Rey arrived to find her cousin significantly older and sicker than she had realized, and she became his nurse during what turned out to be his final months. Less than three months after her journey west he died, unexpectedly leaving the ranch and all of his worldly possessions to her as his sole heir. The idea had been daunting at first, and certainly not what she had been planning for her life. But Rey had grown to love the land in a short space of time, and was excited by the freedom it could afford her as an unmarried 22-year-old woman. She had no desire to return to life as a governess, and even less to go back to England where she had no more family and few friends.

A new life in the American west thrilled her, and as she took up proper residence in her own house on her own land, Rey felt hopeful. The theft of her cattle and horses had been a blow but she would not be disheartened. She still had close to a hundred head that could go to market the following year, unless she bred the herd first to increase their number. She was unafraid of hard work and, despite being more used to books and teaching, the physical labor did not daunt her. With some help she was sure she could carry on in Lor’s footsteps. Rey was determined to try, at any rate.

 

\+ + +

 

Poe surveyed the property without a word when she showed him around. Aside from the homestead and its lean-to, the only other structures were an outhouse and barn. She pointed out the latter’s loft where the other hands had slept but he showed little interest. He tested a few railings on the small corral that held her remaining two horses in addition to the draft horse. She knew they looked pitiful next to his own mount, a handsome white and chestnut Paint, which also seemed to be judging them as it stood patiently in the corral, still saddled, while its master looked them over.

They returned to the house and he listed off a dozen issues that needed immediate attention, most of which Rey had no idea about but she wasn’t in a position to argue.

“Will you take on the task, Mr. Dameron?” she asked, trying not to sound too desperate.

He took a moment as if sizing her up, before providing a response.

“I will,” he said. “And it’s Poe.”

Rey wasn’t sure it was quite proper to call him by his Christian name but he was already returning to the corral and his horse. He spent a considerable amount of time brushing it down, while she stored the new provisions in the small cellar beneath the floorboards. She got to work on cooking supper after that – a hearty vegetable soup using fresh supplies from town and bread she had baked the previous day.

She had planned on sharing the meal with him but when she walked out onto the porch for the cooler air she saw him setting a fire in the campsite near the barn that the previous hands had established. They’d liked to sit and smoke there after their work day, and Lor had often joined them when his health allowed. When she checked through the window a short time later Poe was cooking something in a pan on the fire, a coffee pot beside it. Apparently he was the independent type, too.

As dusk fell Rey felt the least she could do was take him some bread and hard cheese, which he accepted after she insisted.

“Many thanks,” he mumbled as he held the cloth-wrapped morsel.

He seemed to have everything he needed so she wished him good night, not in the least surprised when he didn’t reply. Poe wasn’t a great talker, which she didn’t particularly mind. As long as he was a good worker she would be satisfied.

She finished her meal alone in the homestead while reading by the light of a single lantern. After she cleaned up and prepared for bed Rey glanced out of the window one last time. He was still by the fire, apparently preferring to sleep there than in the barn. She noticed his rifle propped up on the log beside him. She told herself all was well even as she slid the wooden bolt across the back of the door. As an additional precaution she propped a chair under the door handle in the bedroom, a childhood trick she had learned from her mother.

Rey cursed her own imagining of any number of potential dangers, but as she curled up under the covers she felt safer behind two barricaded doors, the gun at her bedside, and was able to fall quickly asleep.

 

\+ + +

 

She woke early the next morning as usual, blinking against the sunlight through the thick glass of the bedroom window. She had bought fabric to make curtains and looked forward to the darkness they would bring in addition to prettying up the place.

Still, if the sunlight didn’t wake her the rooster would. As if on cue she heard the loud crow of the red beast and pulled herself out of bed with a groan. After plumping up the feather mattress and smoothing out the quilt, Rey changed into her work clothes before setting the chair at the door to rights and unbolting the front door. There was no sign of Poe or any of his belongings by the campsite, and the fire had long died out by the look of it. His horse was gone from the corral, too.

Unbidden tears sparked in her eyes when she realized he had left just like the other hands, and that her dreams of help were short lived. She only hoped he’d taken pity on her and left the cattle behind. Cursing her poor luck, she stomped to the outhouse, wiping at her eyes in frustration and feeling the anger grow inside. There was no choice but to return to town, or perhaps she could appeal to her neighbors for assistance by letting her use one of their hands. The closest ranch, one significantly larger than her own, was still over an hour’s ride away but she had few options.

Rey decided on this new course of action and planned to leave straight after breakfast. She was focused on this and nothing else as she returned to the house, and started in fright when she saw Poe sitting astride his horse by the porch.

“Morning,” he said with a nod.

“Mr. Dameron! Poe,” she said, clutching her hand to her chest. “I didn’t see you there.”

“One hundred and six.”

“Pardon?”

“That’s how many head of cattle are left – 106. I took a ride out at sun up and found a few strays by your fenceline.”

“Oh, thank you.” Rey’s smile was tight as she grappled with the realization that he hadn’t abandoned her after all.

He sat back and hooked one leg over his saddle horn. “There are fence repairs that need doing as well.”

“I understand. Perhaps we could discuss them over breakfast, if you’re hungry? I have bacon.”

“I already ate.”

“Oh. Coffee then?”

“No thank you, miss. It’s fencing wire I need. I couldn’t find any in the barn.”

“I’m not sure there is any,” she said dubiously.

“Some lumber too, to stable the horses better. I can go into town for supplies, and get the wagon seen to by the blacksmith while I’m there.”

“That would be fine, thank you.” Rey bit her lip. “How much would it all cost?”

“No more’n fifty dollars.”

She nodded slowly and did a few calculations in her head. Lor had left her a little money along with the ranch, most of which was in the bank in town, and she had been hoping to keep it saved in case she did end up having to return east. But if repairs needed to be done then supplies were necessary, so she excused herself to go inside and retrieved the cash from the jar she had hidden.

As she handed it to him Rey wondered again if she was foolish to trust this complete stranger. She’d already had her livestock stolen, she didn’t want the money to be lost also. He tucked it into his shirt pocket underneath his jacket, touched the brim of his hat, and urged his horse back to the corral so he could hitch the wagon.

Soon she was watching as he drove away, and admonishing herself for not going with him to keep an eye on her wagon and her money. With a sigh she set about keeping herself busy with chores – milking the cow, collecting the eggs from the chicken coop, and finally sitting down to a late breakfast of leftover soup. For the remainder of the day she continued working on her vegetable patch that she had set out behind the lean-to. The soil was hand tilled and ready for the seeds she’d purchased in town. She hoped to raise fresh produce to keep her fed through the summer and fall, and enough she could bottle for the winter. When she’d suggested the idea to Lor he had scoffed derisively, preferring a diet that consisted mostly of beefsteak and beans. Rey was determined to do better than that.

The garden kept her distracted so she didn’t fret about Poe and the fifty dollars. She spent only a little time imagining him drinking or worse in the saloon on her money, or simply stealing the cash and the wagon. But she was increasingly uneasy as nightfall approached and he hadn’t returned.

Rey retreated to the house to prepare her evening meal, poking her head out of the open door every few minutes to see if there was any sign of him. It was near dark when her heartbeat quickened at the sound of a wagon approaching and she stepped quickly onto the porch holding a lantern aloft. Poe headed straight for the barn and she followed, catching up to him after he’d jumped down and threw back the tarp. The wagon was full of supplies – everything else he’d said he needed to fix up the place.

“Evening,” Poe said emotionlessly while Rey wanted to laugh and clap her hands.

“You came back,” she exclaimed before biting her tongue.

“‘Course I did.” Again, she got the sense she had insulted him simply by being surprised that he was a man of his word. “Here.”

He dropped some coins into her open palm, which she was not expecting.

“It wasn’t as much as I thought.”

“Thank you,” she breathed, staring at the money.

“I’ll unpack this in the morning. I need to see to my horse.”

“Of course. Mr. Dameron. Poe,” said Rey as she took a step towards him when he walked away from her. “Would you have some supper with me? It’s nothing much, but it’s hot.”

Indecision clouded his features, the best she could tell in the poor light, and in the end he shook his head.

“No thank you, miss, I’ll see to him and then turn in. Early start in the morning.”

“If you’re sure,” she replied, feeling a tug of disappointment. “I’ll say good night then. And thank you.”

Poe nodded and retreated into the darkness of the stable to unhitch his horse from the wagon.

“Rey,” she said, taking a step after him. “That’s what you should call me.”

She heard nothing but a snort from the horse. Rey waited for a few moments in case he said something, and when he didn’t she returned to the house to eat alone. She paid it no mind, focused instead on the work he would do and the future she could build for herself. Rey felt hopeful once more.

 


	2. Greener Pastures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely Rey gets to know her ranch hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in getting this out, and thank you to everyone still interested in reading it.

“Good morning, Mr. Dameron! It looks like it will be a fine day,” Rey called out from her porch as Poe rode past on his way back from checking the herd.

He tugged on the brim of his hat but didn’t reply in their now familiar morning ritual. She continued shaking out the bed quilt in her hands and smiled to herself. It had become something of a game to her in the past few weeks, to see how many words she could get him to say before he mumbled an excuse to get back to whatever he was doing. Today, it was none.  

She watched him dismount at the corral gate before leading his horse into the lot to be fed and watered. Rey assumed most cowboys had an affinity with their horses but Poe’s attachment to his gelding seemed different somehow. He was dutiful to its care as expected, but theirs seemed to be one of companionship. More than once she’d spied him murmuring to the horse when she could barely keep him in conversation for more than a few minutes at a time.

As much as his quietness amused her, she couldn’t fault his work. Poe approached each task diligently – looking after the livestock, making repairs, or chopping firewood. He’d found time to work with her remaining horses so they would be fit to ride. He’d even made a windbreak for her garden before she knew to ask for one. He was proactive, even attentive, when it came to such tasks yet he kept to himself in the rare hours he wasn’t working, and turned down every invitation for a meal to the point where Rey was beginning to feel a little put out.

She was intrigued by her ranch hand and wanted to learn more about him. If he wouldn’t converse with her, she was left to speculate in the journal that she wrote in every afternoon while drinking tea on the porch. It was her habit no matter how hot the summer afternoons became, or how tired she was from her chores. Rey was a true Englishwoman when it came to tea and diarizing her days.

She had started writing about her travels from New York, with a fanciful notion that she might even publish her story one day, then she wrote about the ranch itself while she settled into life in Nebraska. But once Poe Dameron came into her employ he was increasingly the focus of her reflections. She wondered about his past – where he had come from and how he became a cowboy. She knew that he wasn’t Mexican, having made the assumption out loud in passing and was curtly corrected. He was born in Guatemala, a country she knew very little about, and thus far had limited opportunities to ask him more.

Instead she wrote about her impressions of the man. He was not much taller than she was, but broader and strong. His dark hair reached his collar in soft curls, the same color as the beard that covered half his face. His forearms, the couple of times his shirt sleeves had been rolled up in her presence, were a deeper tan and muscular; his hands large and the joints of his fingers darker still. There was no gray in his hair yet there were permanent lines around his eyes from either the sun or his age, she couldn’t tell. She dared not guess at his age, certainly older than herself, but she had little frame of reference to discern such things about a man. Especially one as used to hard work as Poe clearly was. He never seemed to tire.

Just once she wished to rise before him and send him on his way to check the cattle with a piece of bacon or bread, but she never seemed to wake up in time even with the aid of her persistent rooster. Rising at dawn did not come as naturally to her as it did to him, and each day she had grown used to finding his camp empty, his possessions stored neatly in the barn. She saw little of him during the day while he finished repairing the fences, and while he worked on the barn she’d mostly kept her distance when he made it clear he did not require her assistance. Every day at sundown he made a fire and saw to his own supper.

At least Rey had been able to coerce him into accepting the food she would leave by his bedroll when he wasn’t around. It had made him uncomfortable when she’d continued to offer it directly, so she began sneaking it into the barn – a handful of eggs or a small loaf of bread, the occasional chunk of fryback. She hoped to add some vegetables once her garden was ready.

In return she would often wake to find small offerings on her porch table – berries from a bush he had found by the creek, and once a whole rabbit that she’d had the displeasure of having to skin first. And every day there was a pile of firewood for the stove by her front steps.

All of this was done with little acknowledgement from either of them. For her part Rey did not wish to cause him embarrassment that her gratitude seemed to elicit, and she looked forward to seeing what he might leave her next – another unspoken game. As the weeks passed she derived almost as much pleasure from trying to guess what it might be as she did leaving him some new surprise in the barn.

Rey was worried she had overstepped on only one occasion, when she found a shirt of Lor’s that he’d barely worn. It seemed like it might be a good fit for Poe and, if he were amenable, there was more clothing she had packed away that could be of use. She’d checked over the shirt, refastening two of the looser buttons, before laundering it one last time. She left it neatly folded on his saddle bag one afternoon, feeling a vaguely nervous flutter as she did so. She had not thought through the propriety of a gift of clothing, even if it was a hand-me-down from her cousin who had known Poe.

She waited for his reaction that evening and the days that followed, only to be disappointed that he didn’t make mention of it, and so far had not worn it. Rey decided to limit herself to leaving him food after that. She didn’t stop wondering about him, though.

 

\+ + +

 

It was a hot and dusty afternoon when Poe roped one of her skittish horses to work on getting it used to the saddle. Rey had no doubt that Lor’s former ranch hands had only left the two mares behind because they were barely broken and on the small side, along with the old draft horse which was only good for pulling the wagon. Poe had asked her permission before working with the horses and she’d readily agreed, hoping she might be of use with the cattle one day. Rey was not an overly confident rider, but was determined to become so in time.

She watched from the porch as he brushed the horse down first, his own mount standing impassively by the corral fence, before she decided to go closer.

“Do you mind?” she asked quietly so as not to disrupt either him or the horse. “I’d like to see how you do it.”

“It’s your horse,” Poe said, stroking the side of the animal’s neck and not making eye contact.

Rey took it as an invitation and stood on the lowest rung of the corral fence. Poe took his time, his hands never leaving the horse’s hide as he walked around each side. He said nothing as he placed a blanket on her back, but he did make low, soothing noises which continued when he added his own saddle. It wasn’t until Poe tightened the girth strap that the horse protested, bucking her head and trying to pull loose from the fence. He waited patiently until she was calmer, showing no fear while Rey leaned away instinctively and rethought her riding plans.

“Are you sure it’s quite safe?”

Poe glanced at her for the first time. “She’s just young.”

He’d been able to saddle the mare before, Rey knew, but this time he seemed determined to ride her. He pulled on his dark brown gloves and led the horse around the corral a few times. Despite the fact the mare was still fussing he pulled himself into the saddle, ignoring Rey’s protests. She could barely watch, expecting him to be thrown immediately, and selfishly her thoughts turned to her own predicament should he be injured. Aside from some nervous stepping the horse did not rear up.

“Could you—?” Poe asked, motioning to the gate after tightening the reins in his gloved hand.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea,” Rey protested weakly. “What if you’re thrown off?”

He didn’t bother arguing with her but the look of disdain was hard to misinterpret. In the end she pressed her lips into a firm line and slipped the bolt to open the gate.

Poe’s boots barely touched the horse’s flank and they were off, galloping out of the yard. Within moments they were out of sight. Rey allowed herself a quiet curse as she closed the gate behind him. While she waited for his return she wandered over to Poe’s horse still patiently stood in the corral and petted his nose through the fence.

“I don’t suppose there’s any point trying to stop him.”

The Paint nudged its muzzle into her hand.

“You wouldn’t do anything so foolhardy, would you?” She smiled when the horse’s ears swiveled forward and its head lowered so she could scratch the thatch of mane between them. He gave a low snort which she took as an affirmative response. “I knew you were cleverer than that.”

Rey kept an eye on the grassy plains that surrounded the homestead but did not see Poe or the horse for more than an hour. She had repaired to the relative cool of the porch for tea and was consulting her copy of The Old Farmer's Almanac when he finally returned at a trot, the horse worn down. Rather than return to the lot she was surprised when he rode towards the homestead.

“She’s not a lost cause then?” Rey asked, feeling relieved as she approached the edge of the porch.

“She’ll do, with a bit more work.” Poe reached down to stroke the horse’s neck.

“When do you think I could try?”

“Try?”

“Riding her. I can ride, you know.”

He regarded her silently for a few seconds too long, causing Rey to grow annoyed that she felt the need to ask his permission for some reason. It was her horse, like he said. And Poe worked for her, not the other way round.

“Nope. She’s still green,” he said dismissively and her temper threatened to flare, all lady-like behavior forgotten. Then Poe nodded towards the corral. “You’d be best riding mine if you’re of a mind to.”

Rey’s eyes widened slightly, not expecting that. “You’d let me ride your horse?”

He shrugged and she grinned.

“Tomorrow morning, when you check the herd?” she asked.

“I go at sun up.”

She didn’t miss the hint of doubt in his voice, as if she were incapable of rising at that hour. Rey’s chin jutted out defiantly.

“I’ll be ready,” she said.

She didn’t miss the slight rise of one of his eyebrows, though he wisely chose to say nothing more.

“I will be,” Rey said to herself after he rode back to the corral, though she didn’t quite know how she would achieve the feat.

 

\+ + +

 

The sun had barely risen over the horizon when Rey rushed to dress. She had slept fitfully, looking for the first glimpse of light, and then scrambled out of bed still dazed from slumber when she realized it was dawn. Her plan to be ready and waiting for Poe was thwarted when she opened the door to the porch, still tucking in her blouse, to find him standing a short distance away with the saddled horses.

“Good morning,” she stated with as dignified a tone as she could manage, and tugged on her riding gloves.

“Morning.”

“I don’t suppose I could offer you breakfast?”

“I already ate.”

“Of course you have.”

Rey took a deep breath and stepped off the porch. She was looking forward to seeing more of her land than had been possible in the wagon when she first arrived, before Lor became too sick to leave the house. Her riding experience was fairly limited, however, so it was with a hint of nervousness that she took the proffered reins from Poe.

She ran her hand down the Paint’s nose a received a warm huff in return. She recognized the saddle and tack it was wearing from the barn, the leather now burnished to a shine.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Poe asked, his voice softer than normal.

“Of course,” she replied firmly. Rey positioned herself by the horse’s side who looked back at her with vague interest.

“I can adjust the stirrup—”

“No thank you.” She didn’t mean to sound curt but Poe was watching her with uncertainty, and she was determined to show him she wasn’t completely hopeless.

It only took a couple of attempts to get her boot firmly wedged into the stirrup before she pulled herself into the saddle. Rey rearranged her skirts with a small, proud smile and glanced up to find he was no longer looking in her direction.

She patted the gelding’s neck. “Good boy.” In her head she added thanks that it hadn’t stirred an inch and caused her to lose her footing, or worse.

“Just give him a kick to get going,” Poe instructed as he led off on the mare.

Rey barely had to do that, her mount following dutifully after its master. The gelding had a steady gait, and she quickly found her seat. After a few minutes she was able to loosen her grip on the reins when it was clear Poe was keeping both horses at a walk.

“What’s he called?” she asked after a few minutes of riding in silence together. It was as good a way to get Poe talking as any she knew.

“B.”

At the sound of his name the horse gave a soft snort and nod of his head. Poe replied with something in Spanish that Rey took as an admonishment of some kind.

“Just B?”

“That’s what I call him.”

She gave his neck another pat. “Good boy, B.”

They rode along the edge of the creek a ways, while she asked questions about the cattle based on information from a pamphlet she’d sent away for. She was determined to learn as much as she could as quickly as she could. Poe answered them patiently if expeditiously, and after a while she gave up and enjoyed taking in the view of her land.

“It’s beautiful,” she breathed after the sun had fully risen over the valley and the green grass was more vivid.

The cattle grazed lazily in the morning sunshine and Poe drew to a stop from a vantage point where her fenceline was visible. As usual his face was set in an inscrutable expression.

“Don’t you think so?” Rey prompted, not for want of conversation this time but for the sheer enjoyment of something so picturesque.

“I s’pose.”

She smiled to herself, figuring it was as much as she would get from her ranch hand.

“I always liked it here more than Texas,” Poe added after another minute. “Ever since I was a boy.”

Rey hesitated only because she feared questioning him would result in a return to monosyllabic answers, but her curiosity got the better of her.

“I thought you were from Guatemala.”

“I was born there,” he said with a shrug. “Can’t hardly remember it. Except… it was green. A different kind of green.”

When he looked over and found her staring at him encouragingly Poe cleared his throat. “We should keep going.”

He touched his heels to the mare’s flank and quickly put a few yards’ distance between them. Rey followed thoughtfully, filing away a new tidbit for her journal.

 

\+ + +

 

She rode out with him a few more times over the next week, always on B until Poe deemed the mare seasoned enough to ride. Rey gathered as much knowledge as she could about the cattle and the preparations needed for when the snows came. She had arrived in Nebraska in March when it was still cold yet bearable, but he warned her of recent winters that had been hard on all cattle ranches. Rey knew there was more work to be done.

“Mr. Dameron. Poe,” she said one afternoon, still hesitant to address him informally. She had been so focused on her Farmer's Almanac she had almost missed him on his way to the barn. “Would you be so good as to join me for tea?”

He looked unsure and his steps faltered. “Tea?”

“An English custom at this time of the day. Just here on the porch. Please.”

She could see the indecision on his face and the swift glance towards the cattle as if plotting his escape. Rey had given up asking him to have supper with her, but she was certain tea would be acceptable when there was ranch tasks to discuss.

“It’s about your work here,” she added, hoping that would persuade him.

A line appeared between his eyebrows but he nodded then mumbled something about needing to wash up. Rey grinned triumphantly after he left, finally having convinced him to share any kind of meal with her, and returned to the house to prepare.

She set the china tea set on the table, her movements careful whenever she handled the precious possession. The teapot was pale green and covered in flowers, with one yellow cup and saucer set that was similarly decorated, and the other duck-egg blue. She had brought it with her from England, one of the few things she owned before the inheritance of the ranch. While she used it every day for herself, it had been some time since she’d had a guest to tea. Rey took her time rewashing each piece though they were already spotlessly clean, and placed them on a tray while the water came to a boil on the stove. Once she was satisfied that all was in readiness, she rinsed the teapot with the hot water and measured a good serving of tea leaves which were then covered with more water and left to steep.

Rey carried the tray onto the porch and set it down, and soon after Poe presented himself hesitantly at the porch steps. He had changed into a fresh shirt, his hair combed back to hide his natural curls and his face and neck scrubbed pink. She beamed when she saw it was Lor’s old shirt he was wearing, a dark burgundy color with white flecks, but didn’t draw attention to it for fear of embarrassing him.

As it was she was feeling strangely nervous herself, though she didn’t know why. She put it down to him being her first guest for tea in her own home, since the days following Lor’s death when a few of the townsfolk ventured out to pay their respects. She had only just learned of her inheritance then so the house barely felt like hers, and the visitors were more curious than friendly. She would rather give Poe first guest honors than any of them.

“Please, take a seat,” she prompted when he looked unsure of what to do.

Rey went inside for a plate of bread and butter to accompany their afternoon break. As an afterthought she removed the work pinafore that covered her dress, smoothing out her skirts before returning to the porch. He waited until she had sat down to follow suit, and they sat opposite each other rather stiffly, and in an all too familiar silence.

Rey’s eyes flicked to the teapot, knowing it wasn’t quite ready. Though she had asked him to join her she hadn’t anticipated things feeling so formal, not since their conversations had grown increasingly easier since she’d begun riding with him. She asked his opinion about the rain her Almanac predicted, and how he thought the cattle were faring. Poe looked uncomfortable and struggled to reply in any detail, which made her feel more awkward.

“Milk and sugar?” she asked, switching from talk of the ranch.

He looked at her blankly and had no response.

“I think yes,” Rey said. She poured a little milk into a cup for each of them, filled them with tea and added a spoonful of sugar before handing him a cup and saucer with a smile.

Poe didn’t move.

“That’s your cup,” he said quietly.

She lowered her arm in surprise. “How did you...?”

“I’ve seen you drink from it every day.”

Rey’s cheeks colored slightly. “The other one has a little chip. It isn’t polite to offer one’s guest a chipped teacup.”

Poe reached over and picked up the blue cup and saucer then set it down in front of himself. “You should have your cup.”

She was at a loss for words and sipped her tea in her own cup, still puzzled that he should have noticed such an insignificant thing, and touched that he declined it. She watched as he looked dubiously at the delicate cup before him, uncertainty settling on his features when he tried it.

Rey bit back a chuckle. “Perhaps it’s an acquired taste.”

“I’ll stick to coffee, if it’s all the same.”

She offered him some of the freshly baked bread and butter. Rey knew her baking skills were little more than rudimentary but she’d always loved watching the cooks prepare meals and had picked up some basic abilities along the way. She found herself blathering about it as he sampled the bread.

“You had cooks work for you?” he asked.

Rey laughed more openly this time. “ _For_ me? No. I was in service, the same as them.”

He frowned in response. “Huh. It’s just… you speak fancy.”

“Do I?”

She had never paid much attention to the way she talked, not since she’d learned to hide her natural accent as a child when she began working for rich families. It had come in handy when she proved herself smart enough to provide lessons to their offspring, though she’d received little formal schooling herself.

“Compared to folks ‘round these parts you do,” he replied.

Rey took another sip of tea, feeling something of a fraud. “I’m not fancy. I was a governess. Not even a proper teacher, though I quite like to think I could have been given the opportunity. I’ve worked all my life as, I imagine, have you, Mr. Dameron. Poe.”

He held her gaze for longer than he had before, as if trying to decide if he believed her.

“Does that surprise you?” she queried, half-fearing his reply.

“Not much about you surprises me,” he said.

“I’m not sure that’s a compliment.” She smiled demurely, as she had seen other ladies do, but he didn’t say more. Rey drank her tea and tried to remember why she’d asked him to join her in the first place. “The thing is, I wanted to tell you how grateful I am for all of your hard work. You’ve been an enormous help to me this past month.”

Poe met her eyes again, seemingly reluctantly. “I guess that’s what you wanted to talk about. I can be on my way once we settle accounts.”

Rey blinked at him. “On your way? Are you leaving?”

“Isn’t that what you were gonna tell me? Why you asked me to have this tea with you?”

“No!” she blurted out. “On the contrary, I wish for you to stay on if that’s agreeable to you, Mr. Dameron. Poe.”

He let out a short breath, his shoulders falling slightly. “Just Poe. No one calls me Mr. Dameron.”

Rey pushed on. “I asked you to tea so I could say thank you for all that you’ve done for me.”

“There’s no need for thanks. No one does that either.”

“Well I do, especially when someone has been as invaluable as you have. Thank you very much, Mr. D—, Poe.”

A small smile appeared on his face. “It’s my pleasure, miss.”

“Rey,” she corrected. “I think it’s only fair you call me by my name, too.”

He nodded but didn’t actually say it.

“I was hoping we could discuss plans for the winter. I know it’s early yet...”

“I think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh. Good.” She offered him more of the bread and began reciting the Almanac with increasing enthusiasm as it related to her plans for the ranch.

Rey felt pleased with herself when he stayed on the porch for a full half-hour, their conversation far less one-sided than it had been. He might not enjoy the drinking of tea, but she hoped it would not be the last time he joined her on the porch for such discussions.

 

\+ + +

 

The next day as she was on her way to do the morning milking she stepped out of the house and saw him making a hasty retreat.

“Oh! Good morning, Poe,” she said. “Is anything amiss?”

He turned to look at her but kept inching backwards.

“Er, no. It’s fine. I’ll be checking the fenceline this morning.”

There was fresh firewood on the steps as usual, then Rey noticed the small bunch of wildflowers on the porch table. She looked back at his reddened face. “Did you…?”

“For the tea,” he explained before walking swiftly away.

“Thank you,” she called out, unsure what to make of this latest offering.

When she picked up the flowers she noticed they were tied with a scrap of hair ribbon she remembered losing not long after she arrived. She smiled as she returned inside and set them in a jar on the windowsill where they caught the light prettily.  

Before she went about her work Rey selected one of the yellow flowers and slipped it in between the pages of her journal to accompany her next entry.

 

 


	3. With an Eye to the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey asks Poe for a lesson in self protection, and learns a lot more than she anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What’s this, two updates in a week? It is for you, dear reader. This chapter with bonus character backstory!

“Poe? Would you teach me to shoot?”

He glanced up from scraping the mud out of his horse’s back hoof before straightening to meet Rey’s eager gaze.

“I have a pistol of Lor’s but I’ve never fired it,” she went on. “I should be able to, don’t you think? In case I ever need it.”

It was an idea she had been mulling over for some time. Rey was confident in her abilities to do most things around the homestead, and was proud of the way she had been steadily expanding her knowledge of cattle and horses. While the isolated ranch had seen few visitors since Lor had passed, and she knew Poe was never far away if an unwanted party were to ever endanger her, she was sure she’d feel better if she were able to defend herself properly. Lor kept a rifle hanging above the door for a reason, and she knew his ranch hands could have stolen more than the cattle and horses when she was all alone.

Poe rested his forearms on B’s croup and said nothing while he thought over her request. She had known him for almost three months now, and fancied herself something of an expert in his silences. The longer he looked at her without speaking, the likelier it was he’d demur because of some perceived threat to her safety and security.

It had started with the mare he’d broken in, the one she’d named Sugar. It had taken weeks to convince him that her riding skills had improved and the horse was no longer skittish. While nowhere near as sweet as the name implied, Rey was determined to have her own horse and Sugar was it. After he finally agreed to her riding the mare, Poe still kept a close eye on them both whenever she rode out to check the herd, and continued working with the horse in the corral.

Then there were Rey’s infrequent trips to town for supplies and mail – he wanted to accompany her in case she encountered some danger. She reminded him that the only person she’d ever met on the journey to or from town had been him, which had turned out satisfactorily. So Rey insisted on going alone. It didn’t stop him from meeting her half-way on each return trip with some muttering about not trusting the wagon or the draft horse.

She appreciated his concern even if she felt it was unwarranted much of the time. She had grown to depend on Poe’s presence at the ranch but she knew it was foolish to think he wouldn’t leave eventually. Rey was committed to being able to look after herself should the circumstance ever arise, and knowing how to shoot was part of that. It was, after all, about her safety and security – and she told him so.

“Alright,” he agreed without a word of protest.

Having expected more objection she had to swallow the rest of her prepared argument. “Oh. Good. Thank you.”

Poe went back to cleaning B’s hoof.

“When should we start?” she asked.

“Whenever you like.”

He didn’t look at her again while Rey grinned happily and suggested that very afternoon.

 

\+ + +

 

She met him by the barn, Lor’s gun heavy in her hand. It was something of a relic judging by its size and state of cleanliness, but it was the only one she’d found in the house. Poe took one look at it, tucked it into his belt, and handed her one of his pearl-handled Colts instead.

“Start with this.”

He walked off towards a small grove of trees nearby and she followed, clutching his gun. Poe went through the basics first – how to hold the Colt properly, how to stand, even how to breathe. For someone who seemed to dislike conversing he had plenty to say about the components of the gun and how they worked. Rey expected they’d be shooting at bottles or cans but he started with a tree, a wide enough target to leave her a little chagrined. He took aim with his own revolver, demonstrated how to cock the hammer, then fired. She jumped only slightly at the sound, itching to try it herself.

When he finally gave her a nod she took aim at the large tree he pointed to. He corrected her grip fussily and reminded her to keep her eyes open and squeeze the trigger gently.

“Good. Again,” he said.

She kept firing until the gun was empty, feeling more confident with each bullet despite the scrutiny she was under. Poe made a few suggestions, then taught her to reload and let her go again, this time at another tree a little further away.

“Good,” he said approvingly when she hit her target.

“It’s not exactly challenging,” Rey argued. “I thought we’d be shooting at something a little smaller.”

He cocked an eyebrow at her. “What’re you planning on shooting you need a small target?”

“I don’t know. I thought precision was important.”

Rey pointed the now empty revolver, squinting as she aimed at a higher tree branch. She was surprised when Poe lowered her arm and squared off in front of her, a dark frown creasing his brow.

“If you ever need that gun, _really_ need it, you aim here.” He smacked his fist hard into the middle of his chest. “You fire and you keep firing until you don’t have to anymore.”

Rey gulped as much from the idea as the intensity that had descended upon him all of a sudden. She had wanted the gun for self defense if the situation ever arose but she hadn’t really contemplated shooting an actual person before. Her mouth felt uncomfortably dry.

“Have you ever had to do that? Is that why you have these guns?” she asked quietly.

Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to know if he had killed before – the question was out of her mouth before she thought it through. She had long doubted a regular cowboy would have such an elaborate pair of matching revolvers but it hadn’t occurred to her that he was dangerous. Poe was too quiet, too gentlemanly, and too good for that, she was certain. Yet in the ensuing moments when he stared at her, unspeaking, Rey actually held her breath for fear he would tell her otherwise and it would irrevocably change that opinion.

“I haven’t had to use them, not like that,” he said, his voice low. “But I didn’t always have them. Not when I needed ‘em.”

She exhaled in relief even as she felt a curl of something else in her gut. Poe clearly didn’t want to say more about it as he stepped back to her side and wouldn’t meet her eyes.

She could see the emotion in his features, his jaw clenched as he stared towards the grove.  

“Reload and try again,” he instructed and held out the box of bullets.

Rey bit back her questions and focused on the task, demonstrating everything he had taught her.

“Can I try Lor’s pistol now?” she asked later when he seemed satisfied in her progress and had holstered both Colts once more.

“Let me clean it first. There’s no telling the last time he fired it.”

Rey was relieved that he sounded like himself again, the calm Poe she was used to.

“What about the rifle? The one in the house?”

He glanced at her briefly. “Why would you need that?”

“I might.”

“Well. Rifles ain’t so easy.”

It took some more cajoling until he produced his own double-barrel shotgun from his belongings. After a detailed explanation and demonstration of how its mechanisms differed from the Colt and Lor’s rifle, he finally handed it to her. Poe was even more particular about how she held the shotgun and tutted when he was unsatisfied with her stance. He positioned himself close at her back, his arms closing around her as he adjusted her grip so it butted snugly into her upper arm. Rey was conscious of his close proximity and tried to disregard it, but she was blushing slightly when he moved to check her position from the front. Poe didn’t seem bothered in the slightest as he focused on her hold.

Finally he explained what to expect with the recoil, something she only vaguely remembered after firing the first shot that made her ears ring and her right arm tingle.

“Again. Don’t grip so tightly,” he said.

When she lined up the sight, aiming at a tree once more, she found herself anticipating the booming noise with a grimace. It was a momentary lapse of concentration that meant her hold on the shotgun shifted and the recoil slammed the butt into her shoulder at a different angle.

“Are you alright?” he snapped when she almost dropped it.

“Of course,” she covered swiftly to avoid any recriminations. “You’re right though. Perhaps I’ll just use Lor’s pistol.”

He took the shotgun back and nodded in agreement. “I’ll get it ready for you.”

“Thank you, Poe.” Rey tried to smile to hide the pain but had to blink away tears that threatened.

“We can try some more tomorrow,” he said. “If you like.”

“Let’s do that.”

When they headed back it was Rey who was the silent one.

“It was a good start,” Poe offered.

She thanked him again at the barn and went back to the house, cradling her sore arm and cursing her own carelessness. The last thing she wanted was for Poe to think her completely incapable. She could only imagine the protests the next time she wanted to do something he deemed dangerous. Rey tested her arm gingerly, found she still had full range of motion even though it hurt some, and decided she was in need of a strong cup of tea.

 

\+ + +

 

By the next morning Rey could barely move her arm. She woke with a gasp and carefully undid the top of her nightgown to inspect the bruising that discolored her shoulder. After feeling sorry for herself for a good ten minutes she got up and did the best she could to ignore the pain that hadn’t lessened. It was difficult to get dressed, and for the first time since she was grown she had to forego her corset which was impossible to fastened properly with only one good arm.

She went about her daily routine as best she could, most of it awkwardly as she struggled to do everything left handed. Milking was hardest but Rey persevered for her own sake as well as the cow, though she sloshed half of the milk when, forgetting for a moment, she tried to lift the bucket with her right arm.

After that she fashioned a crude sling from a shawl so she could avoid using that arm, and pressed on with her chores. That afternoon when she was harvesting a small basket of vegetables from the garden and readjusted herself with a groan, she got a fright when she heard Poe’s voice behind her.

“Are you hurt?”

He was standing a few feet from her though she hadn’t heard his approach.

“Just a little tender,” she said and moved her arm to prove she wasn’t seriously impaired. It made her wince.

“You are hurt.” He took a few steps closer to her and tucked Lor’s pistol into his belt. It was shining from the cleaning he’d given it and she realized he’d come to return it to her already. The gun was ignored now as he stared at her.

“What happened?”

“The shotgun yesterday,” she admitted. “It was my fault. It slipped…”

Poe looked stricken. “Is your arm broken?”

“No, I don’t think so.” She got up and carried the basket to the house to show him she was fine, and he followed her to the porch.

“Let me see. Please.”

She sighed and dropped the vegetables on the table, knowing there was little she could do to avoid his admonishment. When she turned around he was standing right before her. She swallowed hard, once, and nodded her agreement.

His eyes burned as he eased the makeshift sling from her arm, supporting her elbow gently while he did. Rey barely had time to register the impropriety of the situation before he was moving her arm slowly in different directions and angles. It was painful at times but not unbearable. She knew a broken bone would feel considerably worse.

“Is there bruising?” he asked.

She nodded, her cheeks coloring. She wondered absently if he would ask to see the mottled skin beneath her blouse which made her blush even deeper. Poe finally seemed to notice her reaction and grew embarrassed himself. He took a step back and coughed.

“It should feel better in a few days,” he said. He set about opening up the shawl and, after a silent request and nod from her, he wrapped it under her elbow and forearm and drew her sore arm closer to her chest. He leaned in briefly to tie it securely over her left shoulder. “This will help.”

“Thank you, it does,” she said, her arm feeling more supported from his sling than her own attempt.

Rey looked at him sheepishly, waiting for him to say something about her not listening properly when he taught her about the shotgun’s recoil. He just stood there and frowned.

“Are you angry at me?” she asked.

His expression darkened. “At you? No. I’m angry at myself for letting you get hurt. I shouldn’t have given it to you.”

“I did ask. And I was the one holding it.” It did nothing to appease him, and she recognized that it was guilt she saw on his face. “I really am fine.”

She nodded reassuringly at him and waited until his brow softened a little.

“I can help with any chores that need doing while you’re recovering,” he offered and glanced at the basket on the table.

“I’m sure I can manage. Unless you feel like cooking supper.” She hadn’t meant it seriously but Poe apparently did.

“I can do that.”

“Oh. Alright.” She was momentarily stunned into silence. Then Rey found herself smiling. “You know what that means, of course.”

“What?”

“You’re finally going to have supper with me, Poe Dameron.”

A smile tugged at his lips which delighted her even more, sore arm forgotten. He nodded in apparent defeat.

“I’ll be back soon,” he said. He remembered Lor’s gun and presented it to her. “For when your arm’s better.”

“Thank you, Poe.”

Rey watched his retreating back for a minute, the now pristine pistol in her left hand, before she went inside to prepare for her guest.

 

\+ + +

 

She scrutinized her reflection in the dresser mirror. She gave up trying to do anything else with her hair but tidy the braid it was already in. She added two lacquered combs, a parting gift from her last employer, above each ear and appraised her appearance again. There had been no occasion to wear her best dress since she arrived in Nebraska, and her first dinner guest in her own home would have been the perfect time. Rey looked regretfully where it lay on her bed. She had been unable to button it herself or wear it without a corset. So instead she changed into her prettiest blouse and did her best to hide the burn mark on her skirt while Poe worked in the kitchen.

He had arrived on the porch before sundown carrying a small, plucked bird. After assuring her it was a wild turkey and not her rooster, she opened the door wider and bid him inside. He hesitated briefly then stepped into the room, casting his eyes around.

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been in here.”

“One day you must tell me the story of how you came to know Lor,” she said, feeling a flutter of anticipation.

She hadn’t had much opportunity to pretty up the place aside from sewing curtains and hooking a couple of rugs, and she hoped he found it presentable. If he did he didn’t say anything, to her disappointment. He only held up the bird.

“I should get started.”

“Of course.” She motioned him to the sideboard next to the stove. “What can I do?”

Poe was surveying the few pots and utensils she had put out. “Nothing. Rest your arm.”

“I’m perfectly able to—” Rey stopped when he turned and gave her a stern look. She smothered a smile and any further protest.

She watched as he set about preparing the turkey. She pointed out the fresh butter and pot of salt when he asked for them but otherwise contented herself as an observer. Instead of roasting it in the oven he cut it up for some kind of stew. He added some vegetables she harvested that afternoon and a few other spices from a small box in his jacket pocket. She found she enjoyed watching him preparing food as much as she did his work with the horses.

Once everything was cooking in a lidded pot Poe excused himself to dispose of the remnants and no doubt finish some other work. While he was gone she set the table and lit all the lanterns she had so the room looked as cheery as she could make it. She wished she’d thought to pick some flowers for the table.

When it was fully dark outside Poe returned and knocked politely at the door. He was wearing the burgundy shirt she had given him and, if she wasn’t mistaken, his beard had been trimmed. While he checked on the stew she retreated to the bedroom with the last minute intent of dressing up as well, only to be stymied by her injured arm.

“It smells wonderful,” she said when she re-entered the room.

He glanced up from stirring the pot and she thought she caught a flicker of a reaction to either the comment or her fresh blouse, she wasn’t sure.

“Do you need me to retie the shawl?”

“Oh. No, thank you.” Rey had purposely left it in her bedroom. “I think my arm’s feeling better already.”

It wasn’t exactly true but she didn’t want it covering half her outfit, or reminding him of her mistake with the shotgun. She steered the conversation away and made small talk about how quickly the nights were growing cooler, though as she stood watching him she felt decidedly warm. She mentioned reading in the Farmer’s Almanac that it would be a mild winter, a statement he scoffed at.

“That’s what the Almanac says. Look…” Rey retrieved it and awkwardly thumbed through the pages with one hand to find the predictions for the coming months, reading a few lines before offering it to him.

Poe had stopped working on the stew and took the book she held out.

“See there?” she said. “The part about the blizzards. Only mild.”

He barely glanced at the page before reiterating his scorn and gave it back to her. “I never heard of a mild blizzard if you’re out in it.”

After he turned away to continue working Rey frowned at the book for a moment. Then, all of a sudden she was struck with mortification because of something that just occurred to her. It wasn’t the first time she had tried sharing the Almanac with Poe, or her pamphlet on ranching, and he’d never shown any interest in them. It finally dawned on her that he’d likely had little schooling, if any, and probably couldn’t read. She felt like a fool for assuming he could and didn’t want to embarrass him any more than she already had.

Rey put the Almanac away just as Poe brought the pot to the table and she took her seat. He served her a plate while she settled herself and planted a smile on her face. It really did smell delicious and she thanked him for preparing the meal. Everything was cut into pieces small enough for her to eat with just a spoon which she appreciated as she eyed off the other cutlery she’d laid out. She saw that Poe was waiting for her and she tried a bite. Her eyes widened – it tasted even better than she thought it would, better than most meals she could make herself. Rey wasn’t sure why she was surprised. When she told him how good it was he smiled with actual teeth, if briefly. She felt better immediately.

“Where did you learn to cook like this?” she asked when she could hold back no longer.

Poe shrugged. “You pick up a few things if you hang around the chuckwagon on the trail.”

“The trail from Texas?”

He nodded.

“It’s so far.”

“I guess. I’ve made the journey between Texas and here so many times I don’t hardly notice.”

Rey ate some more while she pondered this. “Have you always worked on the cattle trails?”

“I started out looking after the horses. It was a ranching outfit outside San Antonio.” He paused while he had some more supper and she waited to see if he’d continue talking unprompted. “My pa, he was their cook.”

“So that’s where you get it from.” She beamed at him. “You looked after the horses?”

“Until I was 12, then they let me help drive the herds.”

Rey could only imagine what that must be like for an experienced cowboy, let alone a child of that age. It was little wonder he sat a horse like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“You’re not driving cattle now. What about your pa?”

“He’s too old for the trail these days.”

“Is he still in Texas?”

“Yep.”

“Is your mother…?” The question died on her lips when she saw the immediate change in his expression. “I apologize, I can be awfully nosy.”

Poe didn’t look at her while he finished eating and she tried to do the same though her appetite was gone. She decided she had a knack for making him feel uncomfortable and vowed to keep her mouth shut though she burned with questions. Soon he rose to clear the table after stopping her from helping.

“My ma’s dead.” His back was to her as he rinsed off the plates.

Rey’s heart thumped painfully though she said nothing in consolation. She expected him to mumble an excuse at any moment to go back to the solitude of his campsite. To her surprise he rejoined her at the table. He took a deep breath as he sat back in his chair.  

“She was killed by a bad outlaw.”

It all made sense to her then. “When you said yesterday you didn’t have your guns when you needed them…”

“I was eight.” He gave a small shrug, his eyes sad but not distant when he looked at her. “My pa was away and it was just the two of us. I wasn’t good with a shotgun back then.”

Rey barely knew what to say. She understood what it was like to grow up without a mother, but not to live through something as traumatic as that. All she could think to do was reach across with her good arm and lay a comforting hand on his where it rested on the table.

“I’m very sorry that happened to your mother. And to you,” Rey said sincerely. She held his gaze, wishing she had better words to express her feelings.

He looked momentarily uneasy but she didn’t pull away like she figured she was supposed to. Then she felt his hand turn over slowly where it sat under hers so their palms touched. His fingers tightened around her hand and she squeezed back. Poe didn’t let go until he met her eyes again and they shared a ghost of a smile. His hand slipped from hers and settled in his lap.

“You’re probably tired,” he said after a long pause.

Rey nodded distractedly. They both got to their feet.

“Do you need help or…” Poe glanced around the room, his eyes flitting past the closed door to her bedroom. She knew he didn’t mean anything more than cleaning up what little remained after their meal. But just the idea of him helping her ready herself for bed made her face feel hot once more.

“I can manage from here,” she said as evenly as she was able. “Thank you for supper, Poe. It really was wonderful.”

He nodded his own thanks and walked to the door. As he stepped out onto the porch he paused and looked over his shoulder at her for the briefest of moments.

“Good night, Rey.”

It was said so quietly she wondered later if she’d imagined him using her name for the first time. He was gone before she had the wherewithal to reply. Rey sat down heavily in her seat, her thoughts consumed with all that had happened that evening. She had learned more about Poe in one conversation than she had in three months. Even if she could have written about it in her journal, if her arm wasn’t hurting, she doubted she would have had the presence of mind to do so. There was too much to ponder first, not the least why she felt an odd fullness in her throat when she remembered the touch of his hand in hers. She didn’t know the proper words to describe that sensation, as much as she wanted to capture it.

The journal would end up going untouched for the next fortnight.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sincerely so grateful for the support I've received on this story thus far. I honestly thought I'd be the only one interested in it. Oscar Isaac in chaps, man.


	4. Getting Neighborly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey makes a trip and a new friend, ensuring a separation from Poe that somehow brings them closer together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additional characters! As much as I wanted to keep Rey and Poe in their little cocoon, the reality of neighbors and western hospitality rears its head.

“Woah, girl,” Rey said as she drew Sugar to a stop next to B. The mare snorted her disapproval of either the long ride that had begun at a frosty dawn or the slow pace they’d set while surveying the herd.

“I’ll set the wind breaks there.” Poe pointed out the spot he’d already scouted that formed the best natural protection for the cattle when the snows came.

It had been a few weeks since she’d hurt her arm and, now fully recovered, Rey insisted on being an active participant in the preparations for winter. He spent each afternoon chopping a seemingly endless supply of firewood and she helped saw the larger hardwood logs for the homestead’s fireplace. Then she and Poe would sit on the porch during the last hour of sunlight and discuss plans. Rey went to bed each night tired and sore from her physical labors but satisfied with their progress.

They agreed on the need to sell eight head of cattle to help fund winter feed supplies, and she spent the rest on food and gear for them including as much butchered beef that would fit in the small cellar space. She harvested the last of her vegetables before the ground got too hard and bottled what she could.

They worked non-stop and, aside from the wind breaks for the cattle that Poe deemed necessary, all was in readiness. Rey had even sorted through Lor’s old clothes and given Poe the warmest items, despite his routine protests. When she arrived home from town with winter boots for them both he had grumbled about them being a waste of money.

“If your Almanac is right I won’t need them,” he had said.

“I know you don’t believe any of it, and wouldn’t be working this hard on preparations if you did,” she’d replied. “Take the boots, Poe.”

They rode out together almost every day, checking the property for damaged fencing. The creek ran fast enough that the cattle would have enough water once the snows came, and he assured her that the ranch well would be sufficient to keep the barn-based animals watered. He warned her that the pump in the house would freeze, so Rey was prepared to go without that convenience so long as the wood stove did its job.

All in all she was feeling optimistic about the change of season. That morning in late October was crisp and clear, and she took a deep, satisfied breath.

“With the smaller herd it’ll be easier to see ‘em through the winter,” he went on, always focused on the next task.

“You worry too much.” She refused to have her spirits dampened when the ranch looked as peaceful as it did then. “We’ve done all we can.”

“There’s always more to be done. Last time I was in these parts the winter was so bad half the cattle froze, not too far from here. Even Lor lost some of his herd. It was worse up north.”

Rey had already heard his dire warnings of terrible, unrelenting blizzards that decimated most of the cattle ranches in Montana, Wyoming and Dakota Territory. It had scared her enough that their winter preparations started in earnest as early as they did.

“I suppose you wish you were in Texas with your father, where it’s warmer,” she commented.

Poe had let B’s head drop to graze while they stopped for a few minutes, the reins loose in his hand. He didn’t reply straight away and she wondered if her words, which had been lighthearted, had a different effect on him.

“I suppose I woulda been,” he said eventually. “I hadn’t planned on staying so long.”

Rey had already made it clear how grateful she was that he had stayed to work the ranch for her, and he always dismissed her continued thanks. But the hint of melancholy in his voice reminded her that his only family was far away and Poe must be missing him. She knew she didn’t pay enough attention to such needs, having no such familial ties herself, and felt a pang of regret.

“I forget, I’m keeping you from him.”

“I’ll go back one day,” Poe said with a shrug. “When you don’t need my help.”

Rey let out a breathy laugh that had no humor in it. “I can’t imagine that, not needing you. Your help.”

He held her gaze for a moment, his dark eyes seeming to search hers, and she felt a pang of regret. She was usually good at keeping such doubts quiet but she found herself being completely honest with him.

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do this, not like Lor did.”

“Lor had plenty of help.”

“Yes, and I saw them off in less than a month.”  

Poe looked peeved. “They stole from you. They could’ve easily done the same to Lor after he got so sick.”

Rey appreciated the sentiment even if she didn’t quite believe it.

“Besides, you can do more than you realize.” He glanced at her again briefly. “You’ve got that ranching pamphlet, after all.”

She pursed her lips to hide her smile, determined not to give him any quarter. His disdain for her reference materials was well established and he’d teased her about it often enough.

“You’ll do just fine,” Poe added with more sincerity. “We’ll make it through the winter.”

“Thank you,” she said, forgiving the earlier comment. “And thank you for staying, even though you were supposed to be in Texas.”

They looked out over the grazing cattle until an idea occurred to her. She was mildly annoyed that she hadn’t thought of it sooner.

“Perhaps you should write to your father so he doesn’t worry about you,” Rey suggested. “I could help.”

Poe shook his head. “That’s alright.”

“I don’t mind, really,” Rey was eager to give something more in return for his hard work. “You just need to tell me what you want to say and I can write it down for you.”

He looked at her quizzically for a moment and she hoped she hadn’t gone and humiliated him once more by bringing up his lack of literacy, and perhaps that of his father. She was more than willing to teach him his letters, if he were interested, but had thus far been reluctant to raise the subject in case the offer was not received well. Helping him write home seemed like as good a place as any to start.

“Please, Poe. I’d like to help.”

He still seemed confused as he reached into a pocket within his jacket and produced a well worn book. From its pages he withdrew some loose pieces of paper covered in writing.

“I’d just as soon write it myself,” he said. “But thanks.”

Rey opened her mouth and closed it again, warmth rising on her neck. She tried to think of a suitable rejoinder to cover another incorrect assumption about him. It was too late. Realization apparently dawned on him and a smile spread across his bearded face.

“You thought I couldn’t read.”

It was a statement, not a question, and she squirmed in the saddle with embarrassment.

“I—” Rey didn’t know what to say and was saved from having to reply when she heard a shocking sound.

Poe was laughing. It started with a snort then he was chuckling as he pushed his hat back on his head. It burned a little that it was at her expense, but she figured she deserved it.

“You thought I was some dumb cowboy, didn’t you?” There was no anger in his voice only mirth, though she had no earthly idea why he found her wrong-footedness funny.

“No, I was just… I thought maybe…” Rey gave up before she dug herself in any deeper. “What book is that you’ve got?”

“The Iliad. D’you like Homer?”

“I haven’t read it.”

This seemed to amuse Poe more, her being the governess.  

“My pa’s going to get a kick out of this when I tell him... Unless you want to write him for me?” He raised his eyebrows as he awaited her response, barely able to hide a grin.

Rey’s eyes narrowed. “I liked you better when you didn’t talk so much.”

She let out a petulant breath for effect, tugged on Sugar’s reins and gave her a light kick to start back for the house. She heard him laughing again behind her and found herself smiling, however unwittingly. She hadn’t thought him capable of it, having barely been able to raise a smile from him in the first months of his employ. His continued chuckles were a good sound, a happy sound. Rey liked it very much.

Still, she wasn’t about to let him know that as she rode ahead, deciding to play it coolly if he was going to rib her over thinking he couldn’t read or write. Rey didn’t wait for him to catch up, even urging Sugar into a trot so there would be a little distance between them.

As she approached the house Rey was formulating ways to get back at him and didn’t see the large horse tied up out front until it whinnied when she was close by. Instinctively she pulled Sugar to an abrupt stop. It was enough to cause Poe to ride up quickly next to her with a look of concern. When he saw the horse, however, the expression was gone.

It was at that moment that a hulking figure of a man rounded the side of the house and saw them. Poe was off B’s back and striding towards him before Rey knew what was happening.

“Chewie, you son of a bitch!” he yelled.

The stranger responded with a string of colorful curses. To her surprise rather than them coming to blows the two men embraced each other. By the time she dismounted and tied Sugar to a post – unlike B the mare couldn’t be trusted to be left untethered – Poe was chatting amiably to the man. The stranger towered over him in height and width, sporting a shaggy buffalo coat across his broad shoulders. Along with his long, unkempt hair and the shotgun shell holder slung across his chest, he looked unlike anyone Rey had ever seen before. The closest she could think of were the mountain men she’d read about in stories.

“This is her,” Poe said when he noticed her at his side.

The large man turned his head away and spat out a stream of black spittle. Rey was revolted but she smoothed her expression when he turned back to face her.

“This is Chewbacca. He’s the foreman at the Solo ranch. Your neighbors,” explained Poe.

“I know.” Rey didn’t need to be reminded of such basic information, still feeling a little rattled over his unexpected arrival. She had yet to meet the ranchers but Lor had spoken of them, and she knew Poe had worked for them over the years. She also knew the family was away at their northern ranch, which was why they had not attended Lor’s funeral despite being longtime friends of his.

“How do, miss?” Chewbacca said.

“When did they come back?” Poe asked him before she had a chance to answer.

“Y’terday,” he mumbled, a thick wad of something tarry stuffed into one cheek affecting his speech. He reached into his hairy coat, withdrew a cream-colored card with her name on it in neat writing, and handed it to Rey. “This’s fer you, miss.”

“Thank you, Mr… Chewbacca.” She saw the amused look that passed between the two men and raised her chin haughtily. “Can I offer you a refreshment? Tea, perhaps?”

Chewbecca looked slightly horrified and Poe interceded on his behalf.  

“He probably needs to get back.”

There was a muffled grunt in response and Rey busied herself with reading the card. In an elegant hand was an invitation to dine with the family the day after next. They would send a buggy for her. It was signed Mrs. L.O. Solo.

“Please thank Mrs. Solo for the kind invitation, and tell her I would be delighted.”

Chewbacca looked uncertain, probably about repeating her choice of words. He nodded without a word and Poe walked with him to his horse as they continued catching up. She looked at the card again, not expecting so formal an invitation from another rancher.

What she did know about Mrs. Solo intrigued her. She was a widow of only a couple of years, so Lor had said, but instead of selling up after her husband’s death or handing over control to her grown son, Mrs. Solo ran their large cattle empire herself. Rey was intrigued, and more than a little excited to be finally meeting her.

 

\+ + +

 

She braved the icy water of the creek to wash her hair the next afternoon and was sitting on the porch trying to capture the last rays of sunlight so it dried before nightfall when Poe came up from the barn. He stopped when he saw her on the front steps rather than in her usual chair and turned away awkwardly for a moment before clearing his throat.

“I, ah, reckon another couple trips in the wagon ought to do it,” he said. The hayloft was nearly at capacity but Poe wanted more feed for the horses and cow to last in case winter was prolonged.

“Alright.” Rey stood and pushed her long hair behind her shoulders. “There’s beefsteak for supper if you’d like to join me.”

He hesitated, looking uncomfortable, as if they hadn’t taken a meal together regularly since he’d cooked for her. She thought he was finally over whatever had caused his previous reticence, yet there it was again. Rey wondered if he was trying to come up with a lie to avoid her, that perhaps he wasn’t only amused at her gaffe over his reading and he really had been offended. He hadn’t brought it up but they had yet to have a proper conversation since.

“Please,” she added quickly. “I’d appreciate knowing a bit more about the Solos before I go there tomorrow.”

Poe still looked unsure then nodded.

“Good. It will be ready in a half-hour.”

She went inside before he could change his mind and stoked the wood stove. Hoping the heat would finish drying her hair, Rey hummed to herself as she prepared supper. She was excited about visiting her neighbors for the first time, and also a little nervous. She wondered if they knew anything about her or where she came from, and what they thought of Lor’s young English cousin trying to run his cattle ranch.

When Poe arrived, after she’d re-tied her hair in a thick plait, she peppered him with questions. He said less than normal as he ate, unlike their recent supper conversations, and she only picked at her meal.

“How big is their northern ranch?” she asked, having had no luck getting much out of him on what Mrs. Solo was like.

“50,000 acres, maybe more. This one’s 8,000 acres.”

Rey had a hard time imagining how such vast enterprises worked, or the manpower needed to run them.

“How long did you work for them?”

“On and off for 15 years.”

“And why off now? Did you miss Texas that much?”

Poe contemplated his answer and looked uncomfortable doing so. “I left after Mr. Solo passed. It was time.”

“You didn’t want to work for a woman?” she needled him. “But you’re here with me. What changed?”

“I had no problem working for Mrs. Solo.”  

“What then?”

Poe held her gaze before shaking his head slightly. “I guess you’re right. I missed Texas.”

Rey wasn’t convinced when he gave in so easily and then abruptly announced he was turning in for the night.

“Oh, really?” She tried not to sound disappointed. “I thought we could play a hand of cards. You promised to teach me how to play poker.”

“You’d best get some sleep before tomorrow.”

It was the truth but she still sighed after he thanked her for supper and bid her good night. When he stepped out onto the porch he stopped and turned back, the worry lines she knew well intersecting his brow.

“You got a good place here. You’ve worked hard…” His mouth closed and she could see the struggle on his face as he decided if he should continue.

“We’ve both worked hard,” she said. It was clear she was missing something. “Poe, what is it?”

“Nothing.”

“What are you—”

“Don’t forget it… what you have here,” he said, cutting her off. “That’s all I meant.”

With that he was gone.

 

\+ + +

 

Rey rose early the next morning to get through all of her chores and have enough time to wash and dress properly for her visit. Poe had ridden out alone and she’d given up trying to interpret his behavior at supper. She focused on getting ready and spent time fussing over her hands. It was a time consuming task to try and get all of the dirt from under her fingernails, and there was nothing she could do about the calluses, nicks and burns that marred her once smooth skin. Though she knew they would never have passed for the hands of a true lady before she came to Nebraska, there was certainly no confusion now. She abandoned that fruitless endeavor and changed her clothes, fastening her corset for the first time since her arm had been injured. It had been easier to stop wearing it while she worked, and certainly more freeing, but she had to return to the restrictive garment and her best dress so she looked at least part way respectable for her neighbors.

By mid-morning she was ready, her hat pinned to her hair, as she sat on the porch to wait for the Solos’ buggy. She didn’t like being idle, not when she could see Poe was back and working on the corral fence a short distance away though she was sure he had fixed it previously. She waved him over when she caught him glancing in her direction.

“There’s extra buttermilk this morning, if you’d like it.” Rey knew it was his favorite and hoped it would brighten his mood which was still withdrawn. She tugged apprehensively on her pale gloves. “I’m not sure when they’re sending the buggy for me.”

“Soon enough, I reckon.”

“You know Mrs. Solo – is this dress suitable?” She didn’t like admitting her own vanity but needed some reassurance that she wasn’t inappropriately attired. It was clear the Solos were wealthy, and though she’d worked her whole life for such people and knew her place, she was feeling uncharacteristically self-conscious.

Poe’s gaze lingered on her long enough that she at least felt his reply was sincere. “You look just fine.”

“Good. I don’t really have anything else.” Rey’s faint smile froze when she heard the approach of a buggy. “Here it is.”

A young dark-haired man was driving, dressed in a black suit rather than the work clothes she expected of a ranch hand. She wondered just how rich the Solos were if this was what their workers wore.

“Thank you, Poe,” she said as the buggy drew closer. “Help yourself to the buttermilk.”

Instead of going back to the corral he stayed with her, frowning.

“Good morning,” said the man when he drew his well groomed horse to a stop nearby. He removed his hat after he jumped down. “You must be Rey.”

She hid her surprise at being greeted so informally, even though the man was dressed better than she was.

“Ben Solo,” he said almost as an afterthought when she didn’t reply.

“Oh.” Rey blushed slightly at her mistake. She had not expected to be collected by a member of the family. “How do you do, Mr. Solo?”

She held out her hand which he took as his dark eyes flicked over her. Then he seemed to remember his manners and smiled politely before glancing at Poe.

“Dameron. Chewie said you were here.”

The men shook hands but Poe maintained a stony silence.

“The place looks good,” said Ben, turning his attention back to Rey. “I was sorry to hear about Lor.”

“Thank you, Mr. Solo.”

“Ben, please,” he said smoothly and motioned towards the buggy. “Shall we? There’s a ways to go and Mother is expecting us.”

He stepped towards the buggy then offered her his hand. Rey felt Poe brush her side and his gloved hand was under hers to help her up instead, his eyes not wavering from Ben’s who just bit back a smile and climbed in the other side.

“Thank you, Poe,” Rey said quietly as Ben settled himself. She tilted her head questioningly at him but he took a few steps back without a word.

She nodded in farewell before the buggy lurched forward and they were on their way.

 

\+ + +

 

The journey to the Solo homestead took over an hour and during that time Rey learned much about Ben. Unlike Poe he needed little prompting to talk about himself, telling her about about his visits to New York when he found out she had been living there for a time. He had studied the law in Boston, an excuse to escape to a big city as he explained it, and was now back to run the family’s cattle business. Rey didn’t want to contradict him and ask about Mrs. Solo, so she settled for a few polite queries about the ranches.

It was clear the Solos’ properties and herds were on a scale Rey couldn’t even imagine. So she wasn’t surprised when they arrived to see that the ranch homestead was a sprawling two-story house and numerous outer buildings. An older woman appeared on the expansive porch and came forward to greet them when Ben drew the buggy to a stop.

Mrs. Solo, as Rey quickly found out, was warmer than her son though her eyes were sharp and her greeting straight to the point.

“I’m more sorry than I can say for leaving you there all alone,” she said, clucking her tongue as she held Rey’s hands. “We should have returned sooner when we heard Lor had left you that place.”

“I’m quite established now,” Rey said, wondering if Mrs. Solo could discern otherwise just by looking at her.

“Of course you are. Come inside and freshen up and we can get acquainted.”

Rey turned back to thank Ben but he was already driving the buggy towards the stables nearby.

The house was even grander inside, and after she’d cleaned the dust from her face Leia was waiting to welcome her properly with an impressive meal set out in the dining room. Ben joined them too and she spent the next hour answering Mrs. Solo’s questions about herself and Lor’s ranch. They ate roast beef and drank red wine, something Rey had tried before but wasn’t used to, and every time she managed a few sips her glass was refilled by an attentive maid.

Mrs. Solo – or Leia as she insisted on being called – and her husband had started in the cattle business not long after their marriage, eventually expanding to a far larger spread in the Sand Hills. They traded mostly in Texas longhorns which had once been driven up from the south each season during the great cattle drives, and which they on-sold to military outposts as well as shipped back east. The sheer volume was amazing to Rey, and she reluctantly shared her misfortune over the loss of her own herd which now numbered less than one hundred.

The only lull in the conversation came when Leia mentioned the unexpected loss of her husband. Ben had little to say and Rey found herself filling the silence by mentioning her own parents who had died when she was a child, and the work that led her to the United States less than a year ago.

“You really are alone, poor girl,” Leia said, patting her hand.

“I have a ranch hand,” Rey replied swiftly. She disliked being the subject of sympathy, especially when she felt fortunate in her current situation.

“Yes, we heard. I’m glad Poe is working for you. He’s a top hand. Reliable.”

“I’ve certainly found so.”

“Not so reliable that he didn’t leave after Father died,” Ben commented and drained his glass.

“Don’t listen to him.” Leia said when Rey’s cheeks flushed.

She didn’t like Ben’s tone and felt a desire to defend Poe who had been nothing but dedicated. Rey pressed her lips together, afraid that the wine may loosen her tongue.

“Come, we’ll continue talking in the parlor,” Leia continued. “Ben can see to himself.”

They repaired to a beautiful room where a cheery fire had been set. Leia offered sherry and Rey was too embarrassed to refuse though the wine, the room’s warmth, and the effects of the large meal already had her feeling sleepy. She worried she might fall into a slumber in the buggy on the return journey, especially if Ben started talking about himself again, and after half an hour asked Leia if she might show her some of the property in the hopes the fresh air would do her good.

The idea sparked new energy in the older woman and she took Rey by the arm to lead her outside. Leia’s affinity for the ranch was abundantly clear, and she took pride in showing her the barns, stables and cookhouse.

“If it wasn’t so cold we could ride out to see part of the herd,” she said. “Ben hates it when I do that. He thinks I should leave it to the hired men.”

“I enjoy it myself,” Rey said with a smile.

“Good for you. I wish my son felt the same. He needs to have that interest too if he’s going to take over this place. One day. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”

Rey didn’t doubt it. She was petite in stature but Leia carried herself with a strength and determination that belied the gray of her hair. She suspected Ben would be waiting many years before running things as he boasted.

“Do you still have people in England or New York?” Leia asked in a change of subject.

“No. Cousin Lor was my only living relation.”

“He was a good man. Stubborn as a mule. He wouldn’t sell me his land though I made the offer at least a dozen times. I imagine it pleased him no end to have a pretty, young cousin to leave it to.”

“I only hope I can live up to his expectations, then.”

Leia stopped in front of the stables. Nearby at least a dozen impressive looking horses stood in a corral.

“I won’t lie to you, Rey. You strike me as an intelligent woman with prospects no matter where you found yourself. Raising cattle, especially with the size of your place, is hard going. The recent winters have been cruel, and many a rancher has lost his herd and had to sell up just to keep his shirt.”

“I know, Poe told me,” she said quietly.

Leia’s face softened. “I suppose I had better manners when I was your age but this land has made me hard. I like you. I see something of myself in you, at least the girl that I once was. So forgive me for being blunt. I know Lor couldn’t have left you much by way of money – he didn’t care about such things himself, and he let his herd shrink because of it. I would hate to see you struggle, and have bad weather take what little stock you have left. Or have it age you before your time, like it has so many women. Like it has me.”

Rey wasn’t sure how to respond. Leia took her ungloved hand, turning it palm up before patting it again.

“Just say the word – I will buy your land and livestock and make you more than a fair price. No one would judge you for going back to New York or some other piece of civilization where you wouldn’t have to labor like you have been.”

Rey blushed and withdrew her calloused hand.

“You wouldn’t have to go back to being a governess either, if you didn’t want to. You could take the money and set yourself up somewhere and not have to worry.”

“It’s very kind of you,” Rey said, though she felt vaguely affronted. It wasn’t the first time the idea of selling the land had been raised, and she’d thought about it enough times herself. But that was before she had settled in, before she and Poe had made so many plans for the winter and worked side by side to bring them to fruition. She felt connected to it now, and while the future remained uncertain, she really wasn’t ready to give up.

“I’d like to make a go of it if I can,” she said firmly. “I’m determined to try.”

Leia looked disappointed even as she nodded in acceptance. “I do like you, and there are precious few people in the world I like these days. Alright, Rey, I won’t push you. But you know where I am if you change your mind.”

“Thank you, Leia.”

On the way back to the house Rey was a little more at ease and they kept chatting. When Leia asked about her preparations for the coming winter Rey was pleased when she murmured her approval, and complimented her on her thoroughness.

“I have Poe to thank for that,” Rey said.

“I am happy he’s with you, especially after what those other rascals did. Though I don’t suppose he provides much by the way of conversation.”

Rey chuckled. “You obviously know him well.”

“Still waters run deep with that one. I always thought so, even when he was not much more than a boy. He didn’t speak for a year after his mother was killed, so his pa told me. I’ve had the privilege of watching him grow into the man he is now. You won’t find a harder worker.”

Rey bit her lip, wanting to ask more about Poe and fill in the innumerable gaps in her knowledge of his past, but she felt like it would be intruding into his life where she had no business. Thankfully Leia started talking about their winter feed stores and her curiosity was silenced.

It was growing late when they returned to the porch. Instead of ordering the buggy, however, Leia asked her to stay the night.

“We can have supper and talk some more. We have plenty of room.”

“Oh, I hadn’t counted on staying…” Rey hesitated, thinking of her usual routine and the chores that would go undone, and the fact that Poe was expecting her return that evening. He might assume something had happened and come in search of her, and she didn’t want him to worry needlessly.

“The ranch will still be there tomorrow, and I’m sure Poe can look after things,” Leia said, apparently not one to brook any refusal.

Rey nodded in agreement, not completely disinterested in spending more time with her host. She trusted Poe would realize that she had remained longer than planned, and convinced herself he wouldn’t give it a second thought.

When she was shown to a guest room to freshen up before supper, Rey was further enchanted by the Solos’ house. It was by far the nicest room she had ever stayed in, elegantly furnished with a fire already crackling in the hearth. She was used to working in grand homes but had never been an invited guest.

She longed for a more appropriate dress to wear for the evening meal but without one Rey tidied herself up the best she could and made her way back to the parlor.

“I don’t see why you bothered asking her,” she heard Ben say. Though she knew it was wrong Rey softened her footsteps as she drew closer, staying out of sight of the doorway.

“Because she’s on her own and we’re her closest neighbors. It’s the least we can do,” Leia replied. “I thought you’d be happy to talk to an educated young woman.”

“Educated? She was a _governess,_ Mother. She’s practically a servant.”

Rather than take offense, Rey covered her mouth to smother a bubble of laughter. She didn’t think she had put on any airs and graces above her station, but it wasn’t the first time she’d been dismissed in such a way. She supposed she could have concocted a more salubrious history for herself, and fooled them with her accent and a worldly view informed by literature. Rey just didn’t have any interest, not in lying and not in trying to fool the likes of Ben Solo, for any reason.

“She’s more level-headed than any of your Boston fancies, you silly boy,” Leia said.

“If this is your attempt at matchmaking…”

“Of course it isn’t, though you could do worse when you decide to settle down. I expect you to be civil at least. She’s a nice girl.”

Rey decided she had better make her presence known and slipped up to the top of the stairs before descending again more audibly. By the time she arrived in the parlor Leia and Ben were silent before greeting her arrival.

Determined to be nothing but charming to Ben despite his criticism of her, she agreed to play chess with him while Leia worked on some ranch accounts. Rey took more than a little pride in the fact she beat him in each game, and that no matter what he might infer he was not letting her win. They ate another delicious meal for supper along with more wine, and later when she settled into the soft bed of the guest room in a borrowed nightgown from Leia, Rey decided she had enjoyed her visit with the Solos.

Her last thoughts before sleep took hold were of her ranch. As impressive as the Solos’ property was, she missed her own spread and her little house. She had grown attached to it, despite the hard work it needed and the prospect of winter. Rey snuggled under the warm quilt and reminded herself to tell Poe to sleep in the hayloft now that the weather had turned. When she thought of him in his campsite alone she realized she was missing him and his sturdy presence as well. She wondered if he was still awake and if he was missing her.

 

\+ + +

 

When he took her home in the buggy the next morning, after Leia had given her a kindly embrace of farewell, Rey maintained a pleasant conversation with Ben. He was guardedly polite in return and she decided to enjoy the journey, not blaming him for his judgement of her position in comparison to his own.

“Thank you, Ben,” she said when he helped her down from the buggy upon their arrival. She looked around the homestead and saw no sign of Poe. The horses were all in the corral so she knew he couldn’t be far.

“We’ll see you again soon,” Ben replied and even offered her a grim smile.

Rey waited as he drove away and waved after him before climbing the porch steps to go into the house.

“You stayed there.”

She stopped at the sound of his voice, having missed his approach. Poe stood at the side of the porch, hands on his hips.

“I did. It was late and Leia offered.” She walked towards him. “Is everything alright here?”

He nodded, looking no less put out.

“I’ll just get changed then I can do the milking.”

“It’s already done,” he said brusquely. “Is that all she offered?”

“Pardon me?”

“I know Leia. She’s wanted to buy this place for years.”

“Yes, as I found out,” Rey said with a wry grin. “She said she’d give me a fair price for the land and the cattle.”

Poe shook his head and his expression darkened further. “So that’s it?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll just sell up and leave?”

“Why would you assume that?” she retorted in response to his accusing stare.

“Because of what you said… about not being sure you could do it.”

“Well, I’ll never know if I don’t try.” Rey offered him a softer smile. “I declined Leia’s offer. I’m not going anywhere.”

Poe blinked at her and said nothing. She hoped he knew all of his hard work hadn’t been in vain, and was reassured that he still had a job.

“I’m going to change,” she repeated.

He didn’t move from where he stood and she paused as she opened the door.

“Would you care if I did? Sell up and leave?” she asked boldly. “There’d be nothing keeping you here and you could go home to Texas.”

“I don’t want to go to Texas,” he said with a hint of impatience before lowering his voice. “I don’t want you to leave.”

Her smile faltered at the sincerity of his words. “I’m glad I’m not, then.”

She walked inside and shut the door behind her. Rey put the fluttering in her stomach down to hunger despite sharing a breakfast with the Solos. She shook it off before pulling out her work clothes so she could get on with her chores. Poe kept to himself the rest of the day, riding out before she had a chance to saddle Sugar and accompany him to check the herd. He didn’t return until it was almost dark and she’d already resigned herself to eating alone while he made camp outside.

It was a quiet night with no one to talk to, and she had little interest in updating her journal with impressions of her visit with the neighbors. She went to bed earlier than normal that night. When she rose the next morning Rey looked out of the window to find a thin layer of white blanketing the ground as far as she could see.

The snow had finally arrived.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winter. is. here... and I cannot be held accountable for what comes next. It's COLD out there.
> 
> (PS. Forewarning - or rest assured - there is no love triangle in this here tale. I just wouldn't.)


	5. Silent Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas time brings with it festive joy and… other things.

“Hold still.”

Rey tried again to clean the open blisters on Poe’s right palm. She shook her head at his stubbornness.

“You’ll wear your hand clean through to the bone,” she groused. “I think that’s enough firewood now, don’t you?”

Poe didn’t argue for once and merely watched as she bathed his hand with warm salty water. She held back any further admonishment when she saw that he looked contrite. Rey finished by wrapping his hand in a strip of linen to keep it as clean as possible. As he stood to leave she fixed him with a disapproving look.

“Where do you think you’re going?” She held out her hand until he showed her his left palm which wasn’t as bad but still needed some attention. “And you could rest a moment to finish your coffee.”

“Yes, miss,” he said with a small smile and did as she said.

Since the first snows started Poe hadn’t stopped working from sunup to dusk, making the most of the shorter days. Rey had taken to plying him with hot coffee and food at regular intervals throughout the day to get him inside where it was warm. He was finally sleeping in the barn rather than outside, which appeased her somewhat after she’d furnished him with extra woolen blankets. Beyond that Poe ignored the worsening weather – so long as the herd got seen to and the horses were kept fed he seemed contented enough.

Rey turned his hand over gently in hers, a frown settling on her brow. She knew it was pointless asking him to stop working so hard. As the cold forced her inside more – it had taken hours to dry out her skirts when she’d taken a wrong step into an icy puddle – she worried that he was taking on too much alone. Poe never complained but it didn’t lessen her concern.

“That’s the best I can do,” she said with a defeated sigh.

“It feels better already,” he replied and drained the last of his coffee.

She didn’t believe him for a minute, not missing the careful way he tugged on his work gloves over the linen bandages.

“What pressing task do you need to get to?” Rey demanded. She wished he would stay indoors a little longer, especially when the sky was so gray and heavy with drizzling snow.

Poe was shrugging on his coat. “I’ll just go see to the horses.”

She knew he didn’t ‘just’ do anything, but there was no point reminding him to go easy on his blisters. “Go on, then.”

Rey stayed seated for a few minutes after he was gone, deep in thought. It was only early December and she was unsure how she’d make it through the next few months if she was going to be mostly housebound. She was losing patience for sewing and had re-read the few books she owned many times over. While Poe was more regular company in the house these days, thanks in part to the numerous improvements she’d requested his help with, when she was by herself the hours stretched.

She finished her own coffee – a habit she’d acquired since he remained obstinately disinterested in tea – then tidied up so she could retrieve the pair of Lor’s old trousers she was taking up for Poe. She finished tacking the thick fabric after chopping off a few inches from the legs and stood to measure the new length against herself, a benefit of their similar heights. Aside from the larger waist they weren’t a bad match for her either. Rey sighed. She knew they would be infinitely easier to work in than layers of petticoats in the wet. As an idea formed she smiled to herself and tossed the pants over a chair in order to search through Lor’s other belongings.

Poe was saddling B when she came upon them in the barn a short time later.

“Are you heading out?” she asked.

He stopped what he was doing, the girth strap in his hand, and stared at her.

“You may as well saddle Sugar while you’re at it.” Rey adjusted Lor’s belt and pulled the too-big pants a little higher. “Whatever you’re doing I can help.”

“What’s this?” he asked, unable to hide the tell-tale curl in the corner of his mouth but stopping short of smiling.

“These are far more practical, I don’t know why I didn’t try it sooner.” She went to fetch her saddle blanket. “Where are we going?”

“A survey of the property is all. It won’t take two of us.”

“Two sets of eyes are better than one, I should think.” Rey lifted her saddle and Poe was there to take it from her.

“Wouldn’t you be more comfortable indoors?” he asked gently.

“I imagine we both would,” she countered. “Yet here we are.”

Poe looked amused. “Alright. Come along if you want to.”

Rey smiled victoriously as he affixed her saddle without further comment. She pulled her slicker over her coat, also appropriated from Lor’s belongings along with the trousers. The weather might have been miserable but she didn’t feel it as they rode out together.  

 

\+ + +

 

Christmas Day dawned clear and Rey was awake early, full of energy. Leia had extended an invitation to dine at her place, Poe included, but Rey had politely refused, expressing concern over leaving the ranch if the weather turned poorly and delayed their return. In truth she was looking forward to celebrating the occasion in her own home for the first time. Christmas had always been the most enjoyable time of the year for her in England and she was determined to make it a special day at the ranch.

That morning she left Poe to do the milking and attend the other animals, for once barring him from entering the house while she worked inside. In the lead up she had spent hours creating paper decorations from an old mail catalog and now Rey festooned the house with garlands. She used needles and cones from a pine sapling to fashion a wreath for the table, which filled the room with a festive scent to match those coming out of the stove.

The poor weather in recent days had resulted in no turkeys or game when Poe went hunting so she’d sacrificed one of the hens for their dinner. Rey prepared roast potatoes to accompany it, with baked acorn squash, and green beans that had been bottled earlier. She glazed some of the stored carrots with honey, baked milk bread rolls, and made a stuffing with canned chestnuts she’d procured in town. To finish there was plum pudding and custard.

Before Poe was allowed entry, not long after noon, she changed from her work clothes into her best dress and spent extra time braiding her hair. Her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the stove, her eyes bright with anticipation, and Rey was quietly satisfied with her appearance. Only then did she open the door to the porch where Poe stood patiently, his back to her. He turned at the sound.

“You may come in now,” she said with a restored formality to cover her sudden nerves.

He was carefully groomed as well, hat in hand as he stepped inside. Poe stopped as soon as she closed the door behind him, taking in the decorated room. She spied the look of wonder on his face and her chest swelled with pride.

“Your coat?” she prompted when he hadn’t moved.

He mumbled an apology and hung it on a peg, revealing the burgundy shirt she had given him underneath. Rey thought not for the first time how handsome he looked in it, and smiled warmly.

“Merry Christmas, Poe.”

“Merry Christmas, Rey.”

Her smile broadened at the sound of her name. He used it so infrequently it was something of a treat to hear it. She gestured for him to take a seat.

“I hope you’re hungry.” She knew she had made too much food for just the two of them, but it wouldn’t feel like Christmas without a proper feast.

Poe was still taking it all in and at a loss for words.

“There’s currant wine if you’d like to pour,” Rey said. Another purchase from town, she wasn’t sure about serving it but the storekeeper’s wife assured her it was just the thing to have at Christmas.

They busied themselves with their respective tasks, hers retrieving the vegetables from the stove where they had been warming and delivering each bowl to the table. Finally she placed the roasted chicken in the center of the table surrounded by the pine wreath and took her seat opposite him. Poe was looking at her with obvious admiration and they shared a smile.

“The gravy!” Rey yelped and jumped up to get it. She settled in her seat again and tried to look calmer than she felt. She looked at the table and was happy with her efforts – everything had come together the way she’d planned. She turned her attention back to Poe.

“I’m not used to Christmas dinners like this,” he admitted as he glanced at the dishes in turn.

“Is it not to your liking?” Rey asked, feeling stricken. She thought it at least approximated the traditional meals she’d experienced, but she hadn’t checked how it might differ from what he had.

“It’s very much to my liking,” he said. “I just didn’t expect it. You went to so much trouble.”

“It was no trouble.” Rey smiled sheepishly at the outright lie. “I wanted it to be special.”

“It’s very special.” Poe gazed deep into her eyes and didn’t look away, causing her to glance down first.

“You haven’t even tried it yet,” she said after she found herself flustered. “Would you like to carve?”

Rey took a gulp of her currant wine which did little to alleviate her swirling stomach, and concentrated on serving the rest of the meal for them both. They ate in a companionable silence for the most part, punctuated by Poe complimenting her cooking. She wanted to ask about the Christmases he usually spent but didn’t want to bring up any memories that might be melancholic, not when he seemed so contented. For the first time in their acquaintance she had less to say than he did.

Once they had eaten their fill and cleared the table she brewed coffee and heated the plum pudding. While she waited for both Rey retrieved the package from her bedroom before she lost her nerve.

“This is for you,” she said and presented him with the bundle of cloth. “Merry Christmas.”

Poe put down the mugs he had retrieved from the sideboard and accepted it. “For me?”

“It’s just a token… I wanted to say thank you…” Rey pressed her lips together, frustrated by her inarticulateness, and became more direct. “Open it.”

He took a seat once more and laid the package in front of him. Painstakingly slowly he untied the ribbon around it and opened the cloth folds to reveal the knitted scarf she had made.

“I’m not much of a knitter,” she said in a rush, sitting down as well. “It got away from me at one point so it’s a little longer than I intended...”

Poe looked up at her and she trailed off. He touched the scarf reverently.

“It’s green,” Rey pointed out unnecessarily.

“Like home,” he murmured.

She beamed in response to his making the connection, having selected the color for that very reason. “I hope you like it.”

“I do. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

Rey felt fit to burst from happiness when he wrapped the scarf around his neck. The color suited him and she knew it would help keep him warm whenever he went out to check the herd. She was also relieved he hadn’t protested the offering, as he had so many times when she gave him anything beyond wages. Rey made it herself so he wouldn’t, and so that he might understand her sincerity and gratitude for everything he’d done for her.

The coffee began to percolate so she got up to retrieve it. As she was checking on the pudding she heard Poe behind her. When she turned around he was holding a square object wrapped in hessian.

“For you,” he said quietly.

“Oh.” Rey hadn’t expected any gift in return. She never had, which always made the few sweets and trinkets she was given by the household staff in her youth all the more precious. As she grew she might receive a book from her employer, and festive cards from the children. That Christmas she thought she would go without and felt no great loss because of it. Poe had deemed otherwise, and she was touched.

She unwrapped the hessian to find a carved wooden trivet. “Did you…?”

“I’m not much of a carver,” he said, echoing her earlier words. “It’s for your teapot.”

Rey ran her fingertips over the pattern, her first initial at its center. “Poe, it’s beautiful.”

He smiled in response, eyes shining, and she clutched it to her chest. After a moment of hesitation in which she silenced any trepidation, she stepped in to kiss his bearded cheek. Poe’s eyes widened in shock.

“Thank you for my lovely gift,” she stammered, immediately mortified. She turned to place it by the stove to further avoid his reaction.

It wasn’t as if she’d never kissed anyone like that before. But Rey soon realized kissing cousin Lor or one of her pupils on the cheek felt very different from kissing Poe. Her heart was hammering in her chest and she wished she hadn’t laced her corset so tightly. She busied herself with serving the steaming pudding, blaming it for the way her face and neck were burning. She handed Poe the bowls when she found him still standing behind her, and retrieved the jug of custard.

He set the scarf on the peg with his coat before taking his seat at the table again. Thankfully he said nothing as they ate their pudding, and Rey hoped they could both pretend she hadn’t forgotten herself for a moment. She made several comments about the weather as they sipped their coffee, and they listened to the wind that had picked up.

“More storms coming,” was all Poe contributed to the conversation.

Rey eyed the pallet in the corner of the room, the one she had slept on when she first arrived. She had thought before about offering it to Poe. The stove could provide all the warmth he needed, and he’d certainly cut enough wood to keep it well fed day and night. Regardless of what he said she knew the hayloft wouldn’t provide sufficient shelter as the temperature continued to drop, and she had already heard the cough he’d developed that he was trying to hide from her. Rey wanted to raise the subject of him sleeping inside the house but now the words died on her tongue. She worried he would think her even more inappropriate if she were to suggest it after making a fool of herself by kissing him.

By mid-afternoon, any hope of a return to their normal conversing apparently lost, they cleaned up the last of the dishes. Poe made an excuse of needing to check on the animals and told her she need not leave the comfort of the house. Rey, stung by what felt like a rebuke, simply nodded. If he wanted to be away from her she wouldn’t argue. He pulled on his coat, taking a moment to re-wrap the scarf around his neck and ears. That made her feel a little better and she offered him a tight smile as she handed him his hat. He took it with one hand, then captured her fingers with the other before she knew what was happening.

“Thank you for everything,” Poe said solemnly. “I’ll remember this for the rest of my life.”

Rey felt unexpectedly emotional in response. It only increased when he tightened the grip on her hand and raised it to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

“You’re welcome,” was all she managed to say before he was gone.

 

\+ + +

 

They each kept to themselves the next few days. Rey knew why she was reluctant to spend time with Poe, and was only left to imagine his reasoning. Her initial embarrassment had turned to feelings of confusion, which grew the longer they were apart. She had thought about his kissing her hand often, even though it did little to help her understand what it meant or where things stood between them. As much as she wanted to talk to him she had no idea what to say.

Rey went about her chores as normally as possible, encountering him rarely. He did not come to the house for meals and she went back to leaving him food wrapped in a package at the top of the hayloft. When she did see him it was usually riding away on B despite the icy winds that had not ceased since Christmas.

Rey missed his company, she couldn’t deny it. She missed the lack of awkwardness between them which was apparently gone. More than that she felt truly lonely, and for the first time she disliked the solitude of the ranch and the snow that made it more isolated. Without him and his familiar, sturdy presence, Rey wasn’t sure she wanted to stay.

She took to sleeping in later, curled under her quilt until the descending cold drove her from the bed to add more wood to the fire. Then she would stoke the stove and brew coffee, still enough for the both of them in case Poe came to his senses and knocked on the door. Just before the new year she warmed her hands around a mug before she headed to the barn for the milk that he would have waiting. There was a loaf of bread and preserves to leave in return ready on the table.

Rey trudged to the barn in her work pants and heavy coat, only to find the cow making a doleful sound and the milk pail empty. All four horses were in the barn and she felt a curl of concern when she imagined Poe out in the weather on foot. Still, she knew he wouldn’t go far and set about relieving the cow.

She heard the coughing when she was almost finished milking, her hand pausing mid-task. Rey glanced in the direction of the hayloft in surprise. She had never known Poe to be abed at this hour of the morning and called out his name. When there was no response she decided to climb the ladder.

“Poe?” She stepped up onto the platform closer to where he slept. He stirred under the blankets. “Are you alright?”

He made a noise in response that turned into more coughing. “I’m fine,” he muttered once he found his breath, and pushed himself up.

Rey dropped to her knees beside him. “You’re not fine, I can hear that.” She touched her hand to his forehead. “Poe, you’re burning up.”

“I just slept late. I need a minute.” He went to get up and it took more effort than it should have.

“You’re ill, you need to rest,” she said sternly.

“I’ll be alright once I get going.” He coughed again, wet and sharp, then looked at her with bleary eyes. “Maybe I need a little more sleep. I’ll see to the animals later.”

“You’ll do no such thing. And you won’t sleep up here. Can you climb the ladder?”

He mumbled an objection but she insisted.

“You’re coming inside where it’s warm. No arguments.”

Poe held his tongue as he gingerly maneuvered himself from the hayloft. Rey didn’t miss the shaking in his limbs as she wrapped one of the blankets around him and they made their way to the house. Once inside she set him on the pallet and helped him off with his coat and scarf. He shivered at their loss though the room was warm. She could see his shirt was soaked through with sweat, which meant his underclothes were too.

“How long have you been like this?” she asked, alarmed at the sight.

“It’s nothing.” He tried to suppress another cough but failed.

“I suppose next you’ll tell me that cough’s nothing either. We need to get you changed.”

Rey left him briefly to rummage through Lor’s trunk for a flannel union suit. It would be too long but it was warm and would have to do. Only then did she consider the logistics of getting him undressed.

“I can do it,” he said softly, avoiding the embarrassment for both of them when she put it down beside him.

Rey retired to the bedroom to give him some privacy, smoothing her hair and feeling her own warm cheeks. She was furious at him for hiding his illness, and at herself for not seeking him out sooner to sleep indoors. After a few minutes she peeked out to see him buttoning the garment, his fingers fumbling slightly.

“Let me,” she said and finished the task.

“I’m sorry.”

Rey glanced up to meet his dark eyes, all her anger drained. “For what? Taking sick? It’s not your fault. I never should have let you stay out in that barn.”

“I just need a little rest.”

“Yes, you do.”

She helped lower him onto the pallet once more and tucked the blanket around him. He was still cold so she fetched the quilt from her bed as well. Poe’s eyes were already drooping closed.

“Thank you.”

“Sleep now.” Rey watched as it took him quickly, and frowned. She felt his forehead again, gently so as not to disturb him. She made a cold compress for his brow and he didn’t stir when she placed it.

During the next few hours while he slept she made herself busy. She saw to the animals as Poe would have done, mucking out the barn and laying feed. She washed his clothes and set them to dry in front of the bedroom fire which she kept burning for extra warmth. Rey was sweating herself from the temperature and her exertions, and kept the sleeves of her blouse rolled up and top buttons undone so she didn’t overheat.

When Poe stirred sometime later he was glassy-eyed and managed only a little of the water she offered him, which ended in a coughing fit. Instead of lying back down he tried to get to his feet.

“Oh no you don’t,” she said.

“I need a minute… outside,” he replied, trying to catch his breath.

After a moment she understood his need was one of relief and not some delusion of working.

“There’s a convenience just here,” she said, motioning to the covered chamberpot by the pallet.

Poe shook his head so she reluctantly helped him put on his boots and pulled the quilt tightly around him. He needed more help to stand up and walk outside but once she saw him to the edge of the porch she left him to it.  

She had hoped to get him to eat something once he was back inside but Poe only seemed interested in sleeping, exhausted from the effort. As the afternoon wore on Rey distracted herself from fussing over him by cooking some broth. She worked as quietly as she could before realizing he was unlikely to wake by any cause of hers. She replaced the cold compress several times and he hadn’t moved.

When evening fell he stayed awake long enough to sip the broth she gave him in a mug and worry about the work that needed to be done. Despite her reassurances that all was under control he looked no less guilt-ridden.

Though it was early when he slept again Rey was also tired and went to bed. She put an extra log on the fire and donned a pair of Lor’s thick woolen socks, and was warm enough under a blanket. She left the bedroom door open to share the heat, and had intended to check on Poe throughout the night but did not awaken until dawn. The fire had died down and there was a chill to the air. Once she had it crackling again she stoked the wood stove as well. Poe hadn’t moved under the quilt and did not open his eyes until several more hours passed.

It was evident he was no better though he tried to tell her otherwise. When he could barely sit up on his own she pointedly told him to keep resting while she would do the chores. Poe didn’t say anything, overcome by coughing. He drank some more broth then she insisted he change again into dry clothes, though it was more laborious. She only turned her back this time, hesitant to leave the room while he struggled to strip off the flannel underclothes and replace it with his own laundered set. He stopped dressing mid-way and had to pause to catch his breath, only one arm in the union suit. Without a word, and barely a blush, Rey helped him with the rest. Her fingers worked on the buttons that began low on his belly, and she averted her eyes from the lighter tan of his chest. As she finished his hand found hers and he held it for a moment.

“Thank you,” he whispered. It seemed he was too tired to be self-conscious or had gotten over whatever sense of propriety had kept him away from the warmth of the house – and her – since Christmas. She hoped it was the latter.

“Hush now,” she replied, seeking no thanks to see to his needs. She just wanted him better, and told him as much.

 

\+ + +

 

By that evening Rey was beginning to panic. Poe had only grown worse throughout the day, despite being asleep for almost all of it. The rest did him no good as his breathing became shallower and his fever intensified. She had kept a watchful eye all day between short trips to the barn. The animals were contented enough but Rey was not as her worry grew with every passing hour.

It was pitch black outside when she became truly fearful, when she realized that sleep had turned into unconsciousness and she could no longer rouse him. She bathed Poe’s face with cool water as he twitched involuntarily from the fever, accompanied by fragments of sound that she wished he could form into words to tell her how to help him.

She had thought about riding to town for the doctor, or even to Leia’s ranch which was closer. But as she listened to the storm that was raging, with a freezing wind that cut through her every time she went outside, she was afraid she would get lost if she ventured from the ranch. So she stayed by his side, too scared to do anything else.

Rey had nursed sick people before, most recently her cousin, and knew there was little to be done but wait it out and hope that his fever would break quickly. She tried not to think of the rasping breaths that had precipitated Lor’s final moments, refusing to believe that Poe could be taken too, not when he was so strong. All she could do was tend to him the best way she knew, and she talked to him while she did.

Rey told him about the work she had completed as she held a cloth soaked in fresh water to his lips at regular intervals. She made sure his feet were warm and the rest of him as dry as possible while she discussed what she would plant in the garden come spring. When she couldn’t think of what else to say she read to him from The Old Farmer’s Almanac, though she knew his disdain for the publication. It helped her not be consumed by dark thoughts.

It was late when she remembered Poe’s book that sat with the extra clothes she had fetched from the hayloft that afternoon. She’d found it by his saddlebag and had brought it to the house on a whim, as if the familiar object would bring him comfort somehow. The pages of a letter had been poking out of it, and another loose piece of paper that appeared to be the start of a reply. She had taken care not to read a single word and tucked the papers back into the book. Now she retrieved it and nestled it next to him under the quilt. If the letter was from his father as she suspected, she hoped Poe knew it was close by.

The noise of the wind increased, unsettling her further. She hated the sound, and blocked it out by singing to him the lullabies she had sung to the children under her care. It had soothed them and she wished it would do the same for Poe. She grew hoarse after a while and stayed silent as she wiped his face and neck with a cloth. She gently moved the silver cross he wore to one side as she dried the top of his chest.

Rey was not completely without religion. For years she attended services with the families she worked for because it was required. She just wasn’t sure she believed in God the way she was supposed to, and had left church and prayer behind her since coming West. Now she wished she hadn’t, and that it wouldn’t be a slight to God after abandoning Him to pray for Poe’s life. Especially if he was a believer himself, something she regretted not asking him when she had the chance. She replaced the cross at the base of this throat.

Rey had little idea of the hour when she paced the floor later, full of anguish and helplessness. She was exhausted yet she could not sleep. The wind had not let up, mocking her with its mournful sound. A single lamp burned on the table, providing enough light that she could just make out his features. She returned to his side to better see the slight but reassuring movement of his chest.  

“Poe?” Rey leaned in closer, her eyes searching his face for any sign he could hear her. She knelt beside the pallet and reached under the quilt to withdraw his hand that was still too hot, holding it in both of hers.

“Please,” she pleaded, “please don’t die.”

She almost choked on the word and tears quickly pooled in her eyes. She didn’t know what she’d do without him. He had been patient and kind and never made her feel ashamed of her independent, unladylike streak. She had grown to care about him in a way that scared her, something she could little understand let alone articulate. All she knew was the thought of losing him was too much to bear.

“Please don’t leave me,” she said and rested her lips against the back of his hand.

 

\+ + +

 

Rey opened one eye just enough to see it was light outside and the storm had passed. She doubted she had slept for more than a couple of hours, having kept vigil by his side all night. She could barely move from it, not helped by the cold because she hadn’t fed the stove or fire. Even Poe’s hand was cooler under hers and she moved it back under the quilt with a silent apology. She rested her hand on his chest under the covers to feel its rise and fall for a minute. Then she laid her palm on his forehead, bracing herself for the burn but finding it much improved.

Relief flooded through her as she scrambled to her knees beside him, testing his temperature again with her other hand. His breathing was not as rapid as the previous night, and not as shallow.

“Poe?” She cracked a dry-lipped smile when he frowned slightly and his eyelids fluttered.

After a while he managed to look at her through hooded eyes, the effort pronounced, and opened his mouth.

“Try some water,” she said hastily and poured some from a pitcher onto the cloth which she placed against his lips. After they went through the process a few more times his attention was more focused.

“Late,” he managed to croak.

Rey glanced up at the window and the light streaming in.

“It’s still early,” she said with another smile. “Rest some more. You’ll feel better soon.”

Poe made another noise and closed his eyes, but they opened again to look at her.

“Everything’s fine, don’t worry,” she replied to the unspoken question.

“Rey,” he whispered.

Tears sparked in her eyes again as she rested her hand on his forehead. She smoothed his brow of any concern by brushing her fingertips over it to his hairline.

“Shh. I’ll stay right here,” she said, and did as she promised while he slept.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Winter’s not letting up any time soon, lovelies. 😉 Here we go...


	6. The Journey Beyond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe is on the mend while Rey struggles with her feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m just going to leave this here for you, a bit earlier than intended.  
> ♥️

“Poe?”

Rey ducked her head back inside the empty house when she couldn’t see him outside. She tried to ignore her mounting fear that had started when she woke to find Poe was not still asleep on the pallet. Without pausing to change out of her nightgown and socked feet, she quickly pulled on her boots and coat and wrapped a shawl around her head, then set out through the snow towards the barn.

“What are you doing?” she demanded when she found him milking the cow.

Poe looked up at her and had the decency to look guilty. “Just seeing to the animals.”

“I’m quite capable of doing it,” Rey snapped. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

“I’m feeling better. You don’t need to do all this on your own.”

She wasn’t listening as she strode over to lay a hand on his forehead. “And you don’t need to catch your death doing the milking. You still feel warm. Come back inside.”

Poe sighed, a little indulgently it seemed to Rey, and got up with the milk pail. “I was finished anyway.”

The horses were nose-deep in feed and even the chickens were pecking happily in a fresh layer of hay. Rey chastised herself for sleeping as late as she had the past two mornings since his fever broke. She took out her annoyance on Poe, offering a few more choice words of disappointment that he had put his health at risk so soon.

“You’re the one not dressed for the elements,” he noted with a wry grin, which did nothing to placate her.

Once they were back inside the warm house and she had remedied her state of undress, Rey insisted he take a seat close to the stove and made him eat two helpings of soup. Poe said nothing throughout her fussing and grumbling, a soft smile on his face as he did as he was told.

Unsurprisingly he was tired soon after and he fell asleep on the pallet under Rey’s watchful eye. She fetched some sewing to occupy her and sat by his side. His breathing was much clearer even though his cough lingered, and he slept peacefully for a few hours. She was able to study his features better in the daylight, weak as it was due to the gray sky. His face had regained almost all of its normal color and the smattering of freckles over his nose and eyelids did not stand out as much. She saw for the first time a few strands of silver in his beard that she hadn’t noticed before, rarely having had the opportunity to stare at him so brazenly. She did so now without fear of embarrassment, or having to explain why she needed to constantly reassure herself that he was on the mend.

Rey was recovering from her anxiousness as Poe’s health improved, but she still frowned every time he coughed. She still reached to help him up and down from the pallet, and refused the return of her quilt. She had taken to touching his forehead so often to check his fever wasn’t back that he’d started teasing her about it. She let the sally go each time – it was more encouragement that he was feeling well again – yet she still fretted, especially if he was determined to get back to work before he was ready.

The heavy snow continued so at least that deterred him from riding out to check the herd. Rey was not keen to go either. The weather continued to frighten her more than she anticipated, especially at night when she would lie awake for hours as the wind howled. She took some comfort that Poe was just in the other room asleep, but she still hated the sound. Even more, she hated that it made her feel weak and afraid. She knew that when she slipped from her bed to check on him it was for her own solace, something she took just from the sight of him.

Later that morning he woke from his nap looking and feeling better, and Rey served him up more soup and bread she crumbled into it, along with the milk he’d been so foolish to fetch himself.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked when he noticed she had barely touched her own bowl.

“Not really.”

Poe was looking at her with open concern and she got up to avoid it. He followed her to the stove and touched the back of his fingers to her brow. She smiled involuntarily at the reversal of their roles.

“I’m not getting sick.”

“You’ve barely eaten anything,” he pointed out and let his hand drop.

“I blame the weather,” Rey said in a lighter tone for his benefit. “And being cooped up inside.”

He didn’t look as if he believed her, and she felt increasingly uncomfortable. She sought a distraction lest he question what was really upsetting her.

“Why don’t I read aloud?” she suggested, brushing past him to search for a suitable text on the shelf that he had made for her. None of her own books were appealing, so she retrieved Poe’s that sat next to his saddlebags. “What about The Iliad?”

He stared questioningly at her.

“I brought it from the barn in case you wanted it close by,” she explained in case he didn’t remember. “I hope you don’t mind.”

She hastily handed it to him in an apology after he didn’t reply. He ran his hand over the worn leather cover then opened it to reveal the letters inside.

“Did you read these?” he asked quietly.

“Of course not.” Rey’s cheeks flushed that he might think that of her, and that she’d overstepped by touching what was clearly a treasured possession. “I would never do that to you, Poe.”

He seemed satisfied with her answer and didn’t say another word about it. He tucked the letters into his pocket and gave the book back to her.

“You did say you hadn’t read it. I wouldn’t mind hearing it aloud.”

Rey nodded shyly and sat back down while he cleared the remnants of their meal. She read to him for a full hour, only stopping when she could see the fatigue on his features. She put a lace bookmark between the pages to mark her place and suggested they both rest.

Poe moved to sit on the pallet and looked up at her as if waiting for something. Before she retreated to her bedroom she placed her hand on his forehead and smiled when his skin felt little warmer than her own.

 

\+ + +

 

“They mentioned you,” Poe said after supper that night.

They were sitting by the warm stove and finishing their coffee. Rey looked at him, surprised he’d been the one to break the long silence that had fallen between them. Though there was little awkwardness between them now, easy conversation had been harder to come by. More than once she’d suspected he was on the verge of saying something, then he would press his lips together and stay silent. For her part she was too focused on her own thoughts to say much.

“My letters,” he continued hesitantly. “That’s why I asked if you’d read them.”

“I see,” she replied, not quite sure what to make of it.

“I’d written to my pa before, all about you and the ranch. In his reply he was asking after you.” He offered her a small smile. “I think he’s curious to meet the English lady in Nebraska.”

“He might get a shock if he ever did,” Rey said with a frown. Her gaze fell to her reddened, rough hands that held the coffee mug. “I told you, I’m no lady.”

When she looked up again she was not expecting to find Poe staring at her intently, his dark eyes glowing warm in the lamplight.

“I wrote him about how strong you are, and how smart. About everything you’ve taken on since you came here. A real lady.” He gave her a slight nod. “You won’t convince me otherwise.”

Rey didn’t know how to respond, and her insides were feeling far too unsettled to try. She was beginning to wonder if she was taking ill after all, given the new physical reactions she was experiencing. She got up to put their empty mugs on the sideboard.

“I should turn in,” she murmured, her voice catching in her throat as Poe stood as well.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Don’t be. I suppose I’m not used to such compliments.”

“Well, that just ain’t right,” he shot back, looking vaguely frustrated. “Isn’t right.”

She smiled at his lapse in grammar and the self-correction that she found endearing.

“What I mean to say is, my pa will be grateful when I tell him how you looked after me,” Poe pushed on. “I’m grateful.”

“I didn’t do much.”  

“Yes, you did.” Poe took a step closer to her and reached out to take her left hand. “I don’t know how to thank you for what you did.”

“Really, Poe…” Rey wished she didn’t feel so flustered. “You don’t need to say anything.”

She looked down at their joined hands, her gaze moving with them as Poe brought her knuckles to his lips and kissed them, just as he had at Christmas. Only this time he paused for a few moments before turning her hand over and pressing a kiss onto her palm which felt entirely more intimate.

“Oh,” Rey breathed.

He lowered her hand slowly, searching her face for something, perhaps some sign that she had taken offence or wished him to desist. She stared back at him as a different warmth flowed through her. It wasn’t embarrassment but anticipation. Poe stepped closer and after an endless few seconds where she thought all of her hopes would be dashed, he leaned in to place a delicate kiss on her cheek. He lingered briefly at her ear and murmured a simple thank-you.

When he let go of her hand and stood back she didn’t trust herself to say good night. She took a lamp with her to the bedroom and closed the door between them, taking care not to look at him again for fear he would see the naked emotion she was feeling. He had kissed her cheek in the same way she had his, but it felt entirely different. And she wanted more. She wanted to feel the swoop in her stomach when they were so close, and the way her skin tingled when his lips touched it.

Rey admitted to herself that she wanted Poe in a way that wasn’t ladylike. Proper ladies didn’t want to be kissed by men who weren’t their husbands, at least none that she knew. Proper ladies didn’t long to be touched in ways that weren’t spoken of out loud.

She had never cared less about being a lady in her life.

 

\+ + +

 

Rey kept her revelation to herself when she greeted him the next morning. Poe was up earlier than her again but had wisely refrained from his usual work until she’d checked his temperature and begrudgingly agreed that his fever was gone. Even so she insisted on going to the barn as well and they worked together efficiently and without much comment.

They passed the day without further incident or interaction that differed from the usual. Rey read aloud some more from The Iliad when he announced that he would be the one to cook them supper. More than once Rey trailed off, watching him prepare a beef stew using a secret recipe of his father’s, then abandoned reading altogether. He still wouldn’t tell her what spices he carried in his saddlebags which made it into the pot. Whatever it was it smelled delicious, and it was with some reluctance that she went to leave the house.

“Where are you going?” he asked, mid-stir.

“I’m going to check on the horses before nightfall.”

He cocked his head to one side. “I can do that.”

“You’re cooking,” she said with a smile. “I won’t be long.”

“Here.” He retrieved the scarf she had made him and wrapped it around her neck then helped her on with her coat. He fussed with the ends and tucked it into her collar until he was satisfied she was well protected against the cold.

Rey was so flushed she barely felt the swirling snow as she walked to the barn. She wished there was an easy way to declare her feelings for him, but she doubted there was. There was the uncertainty of how he would react, and the more troubling question of the depth of what he felt in return. She had no desire to make a fool of herself, or worse, make Poe so uncomfortable that staying at the ranch would become impossible for him. That was the last thing she wanted. Rey resigned herself to waiting until she wasn’t so unsure.

When she arrived back at the house later he was setting the table. She had to stamp her feet to feel them again – the temperature had continued to drop and it promised to be a freezing night. She was drawn to the fireplace in the bedroom which had been piled with fresh kindling and logs so it was blazing. She also noticed her quilt had been restored to the bed.

She poked her head out of the bedroom and looked at him.

“The fire was dying out,” Poe explained with a hint of unease. “I didn’t want you to be cold or I wouldn’t have…”

“I don’t mind. Thank you for seeing to the fire.” She felt no embarrassment that he had entered her bedroom. She’d slept with the door open while he was ill and it hadn’t occurred to her that he’d not been inside it before. “Will you be warm enough? I don’t mind if you keep the quilt.”

“I have blankets.” Poe returned his attention to the stove. “Supper will be ready soon.”

Rey nodded and waited a moment before closing the door between them. She stripped off her work pants so she didn’t look quite so unfeminine, stopping short at donning her corset which she had grown to resent. She settled on a blouse and skirt, then tidied her hair which was wispy from the wet, and added her lacquered combs.

By the time she was done Poe was serving his beef stew which tasted as good as she expected it would. They ate together, mostly in silence, until she tensed up in response to the wind that grew stronger and scowled at the noise. It did not go unnoticed.

“It always sounds worse than it is,” he said.

“I hate it,” she admitted. “Ever since I was a girl.”

“I don’t much like it myself.”

“It reminds me of the workhouse I went to after my mother...left,” she said quietly after a while. “The wind would howl through the old building and it was so cold. And the coughing – all the children were sick that winter.”

She tried to smile in response to the concerned way he was looking at her. “I was one of the lucky ones. I was old enough to go into service so I didn’t stay there long. But that noise… It didn’t stop all night when you were sick. I was frightened.”

“I didn’t think you were frightened of anything.”

She thought he was mocking her at first, or making light of her admission. Then his hand covered her own reassuringly. Rey swallowed hard.

“I was scared that night. I thought you might…” She shook her head to remove the dark thought and blinked away sudden tears. Still, she struggled to say what she did next above much more than a whisper. “I’m relieved you’re better.”

She got up to clear her plate before she said anything else to embarrass them both, judging by the stunned look on Poe’s face. With the pump frozen she would have to wait to melt some snow on the stove to clean up further which she decided could wait. She felt Poe at her back as he placed his plate with hers.

“I never meant for you to worry like that,” he said. “Rey…”

When he didn’t move away, mere inches from her, she held her breath. He didn’t touch her, though she desperately wanted him to. Taking matters into her own hands, she took half a step back so she stood flush against his chest. He froze for a moment behind her before running his hands lightly up her sleeves, then his arms closed around her. She exhaled and drew them tighter, the fingers of one hand lacing through his. Poe’s cheek came to rest against her shoulder as they held each other. Rey closed her eyes as if it would make the moment last longer.

She was comforted by the unexpected gesture, the sadness she had been feeling gone and replaced by one of safety. If nothing more happened between them she was determined to cherish how she felt right then. Which made what happened next all the more surprising.

Rey’s breath faltered when she felt him brush aside the wisps of hair that had fallen out of her braid and he pressed his lips to her neck just below her ear. The sensation was nothing short of thrilling. Without thinking she tilted her head to provide him better access and he kissed the same spot again.

His grip around her had loosened and when she turned around his face was close to hers, an unspoken, longing question in his gaze. Rey didn’t hesitate to answer it by touching her mouth softly to his. His fingertips grazed her cheek and he murmured her name once more. Rey kissed him again, longer this time, and sighed when his nose brushed against hers as his face shifted and Poe kissed her back.

They said nothing when they parted. If he apologized she feared she would weep, or wallow in the shame of wanting him to kiss her again. Instead he said something reverently in Spanish as he tucked some loose hair behind her ear. The sensation flowed through her body to her toes, though she understood none of it. He took a respectful step back.

“I suppose we should turn in,” she said when she found her voice again. She flushed when she considered how that sounded, and if he would take it as an invitation.

“Good night, Rey,” he said evenly, revealing little.

“Good night,” she breathed.

It took all of her strength to walk away from him to the bedroom and close the door gently between them. Rey pressed her cheek against the wood and exhaled shakily.

 

\+ + +

 

She spent another restless night due to thoughts of Poe and the incessant noise of the wind that didn’t let up. It was still going when morning came and Rey woke to find him looking worriedly out of the window.

“What is is?” she asked as she crossed the room in her nightgown and wrapper to stand at his side, resting her hand on his arm.

“I should have set a rope between the house and the barn.”

“Is it that bad?” She couldn’t see much more than white when she peered through the glass.

“It’s bad.”

Rey’s fingers slipped down to find his and she squeezed his hand. It wasn’t quite the greeting she had been hoping for but his attention was clearly focused elsewhere.

“Maybe we should wait to see if it dies down?” she suggested.

“It could get worse.”

She bit her lip, frowning. He finally noticed her concern and gently brushed her cheek with his thumb.

“I’ll go.”

“Then I’m going too,” she said firmly.  

They ate a quick breakfast then dressed as warmly as they could before Poe went for the door. The blizzard was in full force as they pushed their way onto the porch and Rey instantly regretted leaving the warm sanctuary of the house. Visibility was poor as she squinted against the snow and wind. Poe stepped off the porch first and sank above his knees. He took a few steps and Rey followed behind. Even without her heavy skirts it was still difficult to walk.

He turned back, his face and beard already covered with snow, and grasped her shoulders. “Stay here!” he yelled above the gale. Before she could reply he was pushing ahead.

“I can do it,” she protested. “Poe!”

He stopped long enough to glance over his shoulder. “Go back inside!”

Rey was barely past the edge of the porch and was quickly losing ground as he forged on towards the barn.

“Leave the horses. Don’t go! Poe!”

She shouted after him again and attempted to follow but his dark shape was quickly swallowed up in the swirling white. She muttered a curse word that had never crossed her lips before as she tried to keep up but it was too much. While she could still see it she made her way back to the porch.

It was freezing. She shook off as much snow from her pants and coat as she could but it did nothing to stop her shivering. She cared little for her own discomfort, eyes straining for any sign of Poe. Rey calculated how long it might take him to reach the barn, check on the animals, and get back to safety. The distance was not that great and under ordinary circumstances it should have been a relatively quick task, but the blizzard was nothing like she’d ever seen before.

She tried calling his name but it was drowned out by the wind. She wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone but it felt interminable and with each passing minute her panic increased. Just when she thought she couldn’t bear it any longer she caught a glimpse of something. Finally she made out the figure pushing through the snow.

“Poe!”

She shouted a few more times in case he was having as much trouble seeing his way back as she was him. Finally, after more agonizing minutes he stumbled up onto the porch and pitched heavily into her arms. In his hand was a length of rope that she helped him tie onto the corner post. Rey brushed off as much snow from him as she could. Even under the heavy coat she could feel him shaking from the bitter cold as she pulled him back inside the house. They were both panting from the effort.

“Why did you do that?” she asked angrily through ragged breaths.

Poe tried to take off his coat but the effort was too much so she had to help him.

“You left me,” she continued, her face feeling hot despite the shaking in her extremities. “I couldn’t see you.”

He was still shivering too as he stared at her, saying nothing, and she pulled off her own coat. His silence only made her madder.

“You could have been lost out there! Then what would I have done? I told you not to go but you don’t listen to me. You never listen to me and you could have been hurt…”

“I had to check on the horses. The cow—”

“I don’t care about the damn cow!”

Poe ripped off his gloves and cupped her face with both hands. Rey realized the wetness she felt was not from him as hot tears spilled over her cheeks. She pushed roughly against his shoulder and did it a second time when it felt satisfying to vent her frustration.

“Don’t ever do that again! You scared me. I couldn’t see you. I thought you were lost…”

She was gulping for breath when he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Her hands gripped his shirt over his chest.

“I can’t lose you,” she moaned as she burrowed her face into his collar.

Poe’s hand was cradling the back of her head. “I’m here.”

Rey hugged him fiercely then, her arms gripping his back. She couldn’t let go until her heart stopped pounding and her breathing returned to normal. He shifted so he could look at her, wiping away the last of her tears.

“Rey.” He said her name like a caress and a different flutter started in her chest.

“Promise me,” she said, still clutching him. “Don’t leave me behind again.”

He stared at her with an expression she couldn’t name but it was more intense than she’d ever experienced.

“Say it,” she demanded.

“I promise.”

She was kissing him before the words were barely out of his mouth and he returned it with a fervor that shifted everything between them. He pulled away before she wanted him to, keeping hold of her arms but placing a distance between them that made her whimper in protest.

He was breathing hard again. “We can’t. It isn’t right.”

It felt like a blow that devastated her.

“Do you not… Am I not…” She struggled to even say the words.

“You’re everything,” Poe said urgently, his eyes burning into hers. “But, I’m just…”

Rey’s grip tightened on his arms. “You’re everything to me.”

He closed his eyes and took an audible breath. She could see the pain in his face.

“Is it this?” she asked, her fingers finding the silver cross around his neck. “Is that why you won’t?”

“No.” His hand covered hers on his chest and he glanced at the door. “Out there, you know we can never…”

Rey shook her head firmly. “We’re not out there, we’re in here. Just us.”

A sad smile played on his lips.

“Besides, I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” she said. “All that matters is us. If it’s what you want.” She licked her lips nervously. “Do you want me too?”

A look passed across his face and she waited an endless few seconds while he frowned at her. Just as she feared the worst he responded by kissing her. It wasn’t as gentle as before, it was harder and full of need. She had her answer.

He held her tightly while the melted snow pooled at their feet. The stove was warm but they were still shaking. Rey let him go and wiped her face. Her hand found his and she took a step back. Poe didn’t move and she had to tug his hand, giving him a look of reassurance. This time he walked with her as she led them to the bedroom. The fire was warmer.

“I can stay out there,” he said quietly.

“Stay with me,” she replied.

Rey closed the bedroom door behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO LONG, SLOW BURN!


	7. Winter Hibernation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the cold weather continues, Rey and Poe are wrapped up in their own cocoon of long-awaited happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I warn y’all that after the slow burn comes the fluff?

“I have plans for you later. I want you to be my First Footer.”

Rey grinned at the puzzled look on Poe’s face as they stood side by side and washed the supper dishes together.

“At midnight,” she explained, “you have to be the first person to step across the threshold for good luck.”

“Is this another part of your delayed Hogmanay?”

She nodded, having already shared a number of celebrations and superstitions with him that should have marked the last day of the year. But as that date had fallen when Poe was so sick, Rey refused to acknowledge it. Now, a full week later, she had decided to properly recognize the new year.

“And that’s also why you let the fire die out so you could clean the ashes from the hearth?” Poe grumbled, the house still a little chilly while the fire got going again.

“Yes, I told you, so we can start the year with a clean slate. It would be bad luck to do it tomorrow. You can’t take any flame outside tomorrow, don’t forget. No lanterns or candles.”

“On the first day of the year that _isn’t_ actually the first day of the year?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then,” he said with a resigned sigh as if he knew questioning her further was a pointless endeavor. “So, midnight?”

She nodded again.

“In that case... I have plans for you now.”

“Whatever could you mean, Mr. Dameron?” Rey asked, a slow smile spreading across her face.

He leaned over to capture her lips with his own. She still experienced a thrill when he did that, though it was far from the first time that week. She didn’t think she would ever lose the curl of desire she felt when his broad hands circled her back and waist possessively and pressed her closer. Soon the dishes were forgotten and they retreated to the bedroom to enjoy the warmth of the now roaring fire, and each other.

Growing up Rey had only ever heard whispers from the housemaids about what being with a man was like, little of it good. None of it described how she felt with Poe. She had had scant knowledge and even less experience, but she wanted him and she trusted him. At first he had been fearful of hurting her though he was incredibly gentle and took his time. After the act, Rey decided she’d been more sore after riding, and any lingering discomfort or inhibition she felt disappeared when he took care of her so attentively.

In the days since, as the heavy snow continued to fall outside, they were barely apart. She learned Poe wasn’t as shy in bed. It was the opposite of their usual dynamic that made her a little nervous at first, until she discovered she could make him breathe heavily and murmur her name in a way that made her feel powerful and cherished at the same time. She asked him to show her what he liked, and quickly learned what she liked herself – how to be kissed, where to be touched, and how to take control which seemed to particularly please him.

Rey didn’t feel ashamed or wicked. She didn’t think of herself as a fallen woman. She felt adored and protected, and was no longer afraid of the bitter, howling wind. Now it meant being curled up under the covers in Poe’s arms, warm and safe, with little regard for anything else. Winter could go on as long as it liked, as far she was concerned, if it meant they could be together as they were now. There was no awkwardness, replaced by a closeness she had yearned for without knowing what she was missing. Rey knew she would never regret what had happened – what was still happening – between them, no matter what.

Later that night he was dozing next to her when she checked Lor’s old pocket watch that she’d been dutifully winding each day. She poked him in the side and he huffed awake.

“Poe, it’s nearly midnight,” she said eagerly.

“Are you serious about the foot thing?” he groused.

“First Footer. And yes, it’s a tradition! The Queen herself celebrates Hogmanay.”

“It’s January 7th.”

“Shh, no it isn’t,” she shot back before resorting to a more needling tone. “Did I tell you it means good fortune if your First Footer is a dark-haired man? And handsome? You have to do it.”

Poe buried his face in the pillow until she resorted to dragging him out of bed. She remained in her nightgown and wrapper, he in his flannel underclothes, as they moved into the other room.

“Alright, alright. What do I need to do?” he asked.

“Just go outside and come in again,” Rey said, checking the watch once more.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Poe looked down at his bare feet but it was too late to think about putting on his boots when she opened the door and pushed him outside. He tried coming back in straight away but she held it closed for a few seconds until it was precisely the stroke of midnight. When he burst inside, shivering with cold and looking aggrieved, she threw a piece of the cake she’d made that morning so it sailed past Poe’s shoulder and hit the door.

“Welcome!” she cried.

“Did you just throw cake at me?”

“I was aiming for the door,” Rey replied, a little dismayed he didn’t think better of her aim.

He cocked an eyebrow at her as he rubbed his arms furiously to try and get warm. “Don’t tell me, more good luck?”

“No, that’s so we’ll have enough food in the coming year.” She drew him over to sit in front of the stove and set about making some coffee.

“It’s all very strange. I’ve never been a First Footer before.”

“Of course a _proper_ First Footer would traditionally bring a gift – food or salt or whiskey, something like that,” Rey said thoughtfully then patted his cheek. “I’ll forgive you because you’re new at this.”

“And was told nothing about a gift,” he added.

She smiled at him and set the coffee pot on the stove. He said nothing more so while she waited for both Poe and the coffee to heat up, Rey cleaned up the cake and finished the supper dishes they’d abandoned earlier. She was putting them away when he stood and reached for her.

“I have something for you,” he said.

She grinned and her eyes lit up. “Really?”

He nodded, more solemn than she. After a moment he unclasped the cross from around his neck and placed it in her hand.

“Oh Poe, I wasn’t serious,” Rey protested and tried to give it back.

He stopped her hand, covering it with his own. “For good luck. I want you to have it.”

Her expression softened further at the sincerity in his gaze and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered. “It’s a beautiful gift.”

When she let him go he helped her with the chain, and pressed a tender kiss to the back of her neck as he did so. She touched the silver cross where it sat beneath her throat, still warm from his skin, while he regarded her admiringly.

“You know, there’s another tradition we have,” Rey said with a hint of coyness. “Whatever you’re doing at midnight on Hogmanay is what you’ll continue doing for the rest of the year...”

She stepped in closer and ran her hands up his chest, then nudged her nose against his before kissing him.

Poe’s head pulled back slightly. “I think I was actually in bed si—”

She clamped her hand over his mouth to stop him from finishing, thoroughly superstitious. “Don’t say it! It’s only tonight that counts.” She dropped her hand and kissed him again soundly.

“Is that a fact? Well, if it’s tradition...” Poe reached past her to push the coffee pot off the heat, then picked her up and carried her into the bedroom while she shrieked with laughter.

 

\+ + +

 

Poe was reading aloud to her – they were almost at the end of The Iliad – while she nestled against his chest. She liked the way his voice rumbled beneath her ear and the low vibrations she felt through his skin. She traced her fingers absently along the long opening of his union suit, stopping where the coarse, dark hairs below his belly started and then drawing them back up again. It still felt indulgent to be lying in bed in the middle of the afternoon, but they’d already fed and watered the animals that morning and there was fresh milk from the cow in the cool of the cellar. The day before had been clear enough for them to ride out and check on the state of the cattle for the first time since the heavier snows started, and the livestock were faring well all things considered. None appeared to have been lost in the January blizzards which Poe assessed as indeed being milder than recent years. Rey was still gloating about the predictive powers of her Farmer’s Almanac, to his chagrin.

There was little for them to do that afternoon but enjoy their time together and focus on other more personal activities. Poe was running the fingers of his free hand through her hair as he read, having systematically looped one digit through her braid until it was completely loose. She didn’t mind, after heating multiple buckets of water so she could wash it once they returned from the herd. She missed having a bathtub to soak in which had been a monthly event in her previous employment. Bathing was clearly something Lor had never bothered with at the ranch when there was a perfectly good creek nearby. She wondered if there might be enough leftover money from the sale of the cattle to send away for a tub – another item for the list of things to look into when the time came. As much as her thoughts wandered to the future, she was contented enough with the present to not wish its hasty arrival.

The bedroom grew quiet when Poe put the book aside and wrapped his arms around her. He let out a long breath as he found a more comfortable position on the feather tick. She looked up to find his eyes closed.

“Are you tired?” she asked.

“Worn out,” he mumbled. One eye opened a crack. “Thanks to you.”

“I did no such thing.”

“I’m older than you. I need to rest more.”

Rey smiled as her cheek settled back against his chest that was paler and smoother than his arms and face. Poe could work longer and harder than anyone she’d ever met. She certainly didn’t begrudge his rest. She closed her eyes as well and started quietly humming a lullaby to help him on his way.

“Did you sing when I was sick?”

Her head popped up again and she found him gazing at her.

“I remember singing,” he continued. “I thought I dreamed it.”

She nodded. Her cheeks colored slightly, though she didn’t know why she felt bashful about that after every intimacy they’d shared.

“Could you do it again?” he asked.

Rey smiled and shifted so her head was on the pillow and Poe was lying in her arms. Once he was burrowed in comfortably she sang him the same songs until she felt his breathing even out and he fell asleep.

 

\+ + +  

 

When she asked him to teach her Spanish they began with the basics. Poe would pick an object and tell her its equivalent name, and Rey would repeat each word experimentally as she formed the unfamiliar sounds.

She liked the way he smiled softly when he tested her recall and she got it right. She wondered if it was because he missed hearing the language of his parents and his youth, and was determined to learn as quickly as she could. Rey redoubled her efforts when they moved on from simple household items to anatomy.

In the darkened bedroom she could only just make out his features as she sat astride him and rocked her hips into his in a slow, methodical rhythm. The fire was providing enough warmth against her bare back but little light to see him, so she used her fingertips to touch his facial features while she murmured their Spanish names. Poe sighed contentedly and pulled her down onto his chest to kiss her.

“You learn quickly,” he said. She wondered if he was only talking about their language lessons when she felt him smile against her mouth.

“I have a good teacher.” She kissed beneath the hollow of his throat then pushed herself up so she could move more purposefully.

 

\+ + +  

 

He finally taught her to play poker using Lor’s old deck of cards and dried beans to bet. Rey got the hang of it quickly. When she won her first hand he sat back in his seat and told her she could claim whatever prize she wanted.

Poe cooked supper every night for the rest of that week and didn’t protest once, though it was clear he had assumed she would request a different reward. Rey enjoyed watching while he did.

 

\+ + +  

 

“What did you tell your father about me, really?” Rey asked one afternoon when she looked up from her journal.

Propped against the frame at the foot of the bed, Poe sat writing more of his letter with the paper resting against his book.

“Like I told you before,” he said without stopping.

“You didn’t tell me much,” she pointed out.

He glanced at her with the hint of a smirk. “You just want to read my letter.”

She started to object but it was the truth. Her curiosity was acute when it came to the question of Kes Dameron and what he might make of her, and more specifically of her and his son together. She had no family and few friends, none of whom she could share the details of their domesticity. But Poe had a father and she wanted to ensure he thought well of her.

“I wrote about you,” Rey said and waved her journal at him.

“I’m sure you did.”

She pouted slightly when he showed no real interest and kept at his writing. “Don’t you want to know what my first impressions of you were?”

“I’m sure I don’t.”

Rey let out a sigh of disappointment. After another minute when Poe didn’t relent she nudged at his leg with her socked foot.

“Would he be shocked?” she prodded.

“About you?”

“About us. Here, like this.”

He finally stuck the pages of his letter and pencil into the book and put it down. “My pa would be surprised that someone like you would show even the slightest interest in someone like me.”

Rey frowned at the idea and held out her hand to him. His eyes didn’t leave hers as he shuffled forwards on his knees and stopped next to her.

“He would say I’m a lucky man who didn’t deserve you,” Poe continued lightly.

She tugged at his shirt that lay open. “That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is.” He leaned closer to kiss her chastely. “I told him you were beautiful.”

“I’m not...”

“Beautiful,” he insisted firmly. “And brave. And kind. And good.”

He punctuated each word by pressing a kiss along her neck to her shoulder which was exposed as he nudged her underclothes aside.

“You said smart before,” she added distractedly but no less interested.

Poe chuckled. “That’s right. Smart. And strong.”

His lips continued their journey down her chest. “So soft,” he murmured against her skin.

“I hope you didn’t tell him that.”

He moved so he was able to look at her again and they shared a grin. His gaze dropped to the cross that she was wearing.

“He’d be happy to know you have this.” Poe touched the pendant gently.

“Why?”

“It was my ma’s.”

Rey was horrified. She straightened her garment and pushed herself up on the bed properly, causing him to rock back on his heels.

“You didn’t tell me that! Poe, you have to take it back,” she said quickly, her fingers going to the clasp at the back of her neck.

“It’s yours.” He blinked in surprise. “I gave it to you.”

“I didn’t mean for you to part with something that meant so much… I didn’t need a gift, it was just a silly tradition.”

His hand was on her arm to stop her from taking it off. He waited silently until she complied then grasped her hand in his.

“Let me tell you about that cross,” he said. “Ma gave it to me as she was dying. It was just the two of us there together...after, and she didn’t last long. But she gave me this and told me to wear it, that it would protect me until one day I wouldn’t need it anymore. She said I’d meet someone I love and that I was to part with it then, just as my father once gave it to her with his love. So that’s exactly what I did.”

Rey sat frozen as a tear ran down her cheek. He gave her a small shrug.

“I love you, Rey.”

A strangled sob escaped her throat and she scrambled onto her knees before him. She was in his arms a moment later.

“I love you,” she cried as he held her. “I do. I love you!”

She burst into tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how hard she tried. Poe even seemed worried when he pulled away so he could look at her. He wiped her cheeks and nose, mopping up what he could with his shirt sleeve while she tried to temper her emotions.

“No one’s ever t-told me they love me before,” she admitted shakily. “No one, my wh-whole life.”

He muttered something under his breath in Spanish that was beyond her limited vocabulary, and cupped her face in his hands. “Then I’ll just have to remind you every day until you’re used to it. Alright? I love you.”

Rey nodded and tried to smile, even as fresh tears fell.

 

\+ + +

 

January was at an end when Poe showed her how to clean her gun properly. They’d been hunting when the weather allowed, and she was getting to be a fair shot with small game. He pulled apart each piece of the pistol and instructed her on how to reassemble it, before he moved onto his shotgun which she still preferred not to shoot with. Rey sat at the table watching him, chin in her hands, and eyes drawn to his face rather than what he was doing.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked when he noticed where her attention was.

“I was just wondering what you look like under that beard,” she said. “I’m trying to imagine what the rest of your face is like.”

“Well, if I had a razor I suppose I could show you. Or a barber that was handy. But I don’t have either.”

Rey thought about this for a moment and disappeared into the bedroom where Lor’s trunk was. She returned a short time later with a shaving kit and placed it triumphantly on the table in front of Poe. He gave her a shrewd look.

“You just happened to have that?”

“You did say you’d show me,” she reminded him.

He finished putting the shotgun back together and cleaned up. Rey fetched the mirror from atop the dresser in the bedroom and brought it to the table where the light was better.

“This actually serves to keep my face warm, you know,” he said pointedly.

“It’s practically springtime,” she argued.

They both knew the snow and cold weather would continue for some time yet, but she was curious and he indulged her. Rey held the mirror in place so he could see his reflection and she could watch over the top of the frame.

Poe picked up her sewing scissors then hesitated. “You really want me to do this?”

Rey nodded and he let out another resigned breath. He started trimming the longer hair on his cheeks and chin, working his way around until the outline of his jaw was visible. Then he took a long time stropping the razor until he was satisfied with its edge or just to make her impatient, she wasn’t sure. He lathered up his face with a small brush and soap from Lor’s kit and started shaving the last of his beard. Rey’s eyes followed every movement, fascinated, until his chin and cheeks were bare and he sat back in the chair, transformed.

“Well?” he prompted when she didn’t say anything.

She set the mirror on the table and came around to stand in front of him. He looked younger by years so it took her a moment to get used to it. His jaw was sharper than she thought it to be, strong and defined. She reached out to touch his smooth cheek. When she liked what she felt she moved to straddle his lap, her work pants from the morning chores riding up her calves. His arms wrapped around her lower back to hold her firmly in place.

Rey continued her exploration, tilting his chin side to side. Her fingertips ran over his silky skin before she placed experimental kisses there.

“I like it,” she murmured, her cheek rubbing against his tanner one, before shifting to kiss him properly.

“Still love me with this face?” he checked after a while, staring at her through hooded eyes.

She nodded while touching his jaw and kissed him deeply. Poe pulled her forward in his lap to where he wanted her. He tugged at her belt buckle and freed the strap from her pants before turning his attention to the buttons of her shirt. His mouth was on her neck as her hand slid from his shoulder and down his arm to the table where she found the scissors. Her grinding hips stilled. Poe looked at her and pouted.

“But now you’re clean shaven you need a haircut,” she said, holding up the scissors with a tilt of her head. “Not much, just from the back here.”

The fingers of her other hand tickled at his neck.

“Later,” he growled and captured her mouth again.

He got to his feet, still clutching her to him, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. She let him take her to bed, enjoying the different sensation as he explored her body without the beard. It wasn’t until he settled his face between her legs, something he hadn’t done before, that she truly appreciated his new features.

He woke an hour later to find her watching him. He smiled lazily and rolled onto his side towards her.

“Now can I cut your hair?” she asked expectantly.

He finally acquiesced and soon he was sat back at the table while she worked on the task. She took her time when it became clear how much he enjoyed her running her fingers through his hair. She didn’t take off too much length as promised, leaving his curls because she liked them.

Dusk was approaching when Poe decided to go hunting. Rey was too warm and contented and opted to remain behind, a rare choice but one she was satisfied with when she felt a blast of cold air as she stood on the porch to see him off.

“Don’t be long,” she said as he trudged off, the shotgun slung over his shoulder.

“As if I could stay away.”

She smiled as she watched him walk away, waiting until he was between the corral and the barn.

“Miss the beard?” Rey yelled cheekily after him. He was wearing his scarf so she wasn’t really worried that his face would be too cold.

Poe stopped and turned around. She spied his grin as he held out his arms in apparent defeat. She waved to him and he took a few steps backwards, still looking at her.

“Rey?”

“What is it?”

He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted loudly so anyone, if there was anyone else around, could hear. “I love you!”

The words reverberated in the space between them, the thick snow on the ground and the buildings. She chuckled at his declaration, the one he made every day as he promised he would, then grinned at her once silent ranch hand, the cowboy who had been her constant support, the man who’d changed her life forever by loving her just as she loved him.

“I know!” she shouted back.

He waved to her and she was left smiling on the porch. Poe had found his voice, and Rey had found herself. She looked proudly over the ranch. She was eternally grateful for it, for Lor who she’d known so briefly, for the satisfying work that sustained her and kept them sustained in turn, and always grateful for Poe.

Soon enough he returned with a turkey they would have the following day, and cold cheeks that made her squeal when he rubbed them against her warm ones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wait, I wrote an angst-free penultimate chapter?!


	8. Planning a Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Poe have to face some realities of their situation, and work out what comes next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, apologies for the delay in getting this out. And oops, the chapter count increased.

“Shall we ride out to the herd this afternoon?” Rey asked as they finished putting out fresh hay in the barn for the cow and horses.

“If you like,” Poe replied.

The snow storms were still occurring as they neared the end of February, but they were less frequent and lighter. More and more the skies were clear blue and the sunshine dazzled on the white fields surrounding the house and barn. They were able to spend time outdoors which suited Rey, except when it didn’t and she had other ideas.

“All our chores are done,” she said. “What else are we to do with a fine afternoon?”

She stopped and leaned on her rake, waiting for him to turn and notice her small smile.

“I could restock the lean-to in case the snows continue for a while longer,” Poe said obliviously as piled on more feed for the cow. “We’ll be needing more wood. The tack needs seeing to, and the saddles could do with some oil.”

Before he could think of other work that could be done but wasn’t absolutely necessary, Rey huffed and pitched a rake full of hay at his back. She giggled when it stuck in his hair and he finally faced her, looking unimpressed.

“You can’t think of anything else you’d like to do?” she asked coyly.

His eyes narrowed as he contemplated her. “Well, now you mention it…”

Poe scooped up fresh hay on his pitchfork and advanced on her. She broke out in a grin even as she started backing away, holding up a warning hand.

“Don’t do it! I mean it, Poe.”

When she skirted around the horses to evade him he countered by dropping the fork and coming at her from the other side. She was laughing when he caught her by the waist and carried her towards the pile of clean hay.

“You wouldn’t dare,” she gasped as he hoisted her in his arms over it. She was clinging to his shoulders when she froze. “Wait. Do you hear that?”

“If that’s an attempt—”

“No, seriously,” she said as she looked towards the barn door. “Listen… Bells.”

Poe didn’t loosen his grip as he cocked his head, a faint frown appearing on his brow. “I hear ‘em… It’s Leia.”

“Leia?”

He set her down and immediately began brushing the hay from his back and shoulders before fetching his discarded coat. Rey moved to the barn opening and spied a wagon and a couple of riders in the distance. Her smile was automatic – it had been over two months since they had seen another soul – but it faded when she saw that Poe’s frown had deepened and there was something else in his eyes that she couldn’t interpret. He ran his hands through his hair to clean himself up fully and she assisted by plucking the last few bits of hay from his curls.

She began feeling unsettled, like they had been caught doing something wrong. It was too easy to forget that their current situation would be frowned upon by most, and Rey’s sudden nerves were compounded by the fact they had yet to discuss telling anyone about their courtship. She wasn’t even sure if she could call it that, and was quite content to delay that particular conversation until the snows melted and it became an issue they had to face. She hadn’t counted on Leia making a surprise visit.

She wasn’t dressed for company in her work pants and shirt, but there was no time to return to the house to change as Leia spotted them and waved a greeting. Rey did surreptitiously tuck the silver cross beneath her shirt and fastened the top button.

Leia drove the wagon into the yard, its wheels swapped for a sled base that was led by a pair of identical Percheron horses. It was trailed by two unfamiliar ranch hands on horseback. Rey came forward from the barn while Poe stayed a short distance behind her.

“Whoa there,” Leia said as she drew the horses to a stop. She looked down with a grin as Rey approached. “Well, there you are. Safe and sound, I’m glad to see.”

“Leia, we… I wasn’t expecting any visitors for weeks yet,” said Rey awkwardly. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, my dear. I thought I’d take advantage of the break in the weather and go on into town.” Leia smiled above the fur collar she wore and a hat that matched. A heavy coat covered the rest of her and she looked none the worse for wear after her journey. “It was a small detour to visit you as well.”

She accepted Poe’s assistance to climb down from the wagon and gave his bare cheek an affectionate pat.

“That’s a different look. The snow’s treated you both well, I see.”

Rey couldn’t help coloring a little and she worried that Leia was able to tell that something had happened between them just by looking. After her gaze fell on Rey she wondered specifically if she appeared different somehow. Poe remained silent so she stammered something about the blizzards not being as bad as they could have been.

“That’s the truth,” Leia said. “We were fortunate this year as well.”

“I was just going to check the herd,” Poe murmured. He glanced swiftly at Rey before putting on his hat.  

“Excellent timing. The boys can go with you while we ladies catch up.” Leia nodded at her ranch hands.

“Yes, ma’am,” said Poe. He caught Rey staring at him and nodded to her in turn. “Miss.”

Rey kept her expression neutral at his use of the title, not missing the careful distance he kept between them and his lack of eye contact. It was clear he wanted no hint of intimacy to be obvious between them, so she played along. Part of her was relieved – she wasn’t even sure how to broach such a subject – yet she was unsettled by the easy way he slipped into his former detached aloofness. As happy as she was to see Leia again, she couldn’t help the resentment she felt over the intrusion on their private domesticity.

While Poe greeted the other hands who he apparently knew, Leia went to the back of the wagon and packed up a box of goods. The men were soon headed to the barn to water the horses and collect B.

“Here. A few things from town you might like,” Leia said when she finished with the crate. She ignored Rey’s protestations as she handed it over. “A cup of tea will square the ledger, as far as I’m concerned.”

Rey knew the value of things and she found Leia’s generosity embarrassing, but the older woman changed the subject as they walked to the house and made it clear she didn’t wish to discuss the matter further. Instead she commented on how good the place looked, thanks in part to the paths Poe had shoveled to make it easier to go between the structures on the property.

Once inside Rey set the water boiling and Leia made herself at home while she quickly changed into a skirt and cleaned up from her chores. Though Leia had complimented her practical clothes, she still felt the need to smarten up before entertaining company.

“I should have brought you books from my library,” Leia said when Rey returned from the bedroom. She was standing in front of her small shelf of novels. “I don’t have much interest in reading these days.”

“You don’t need to bring anything when you visit,” Rey replied as she readied her tea set. “I’m just glad to see you again.”

Leia looked around the small house unapologetically. “You’ve done a lovely job in here, I have to say. Lor really didn’t have much interest in making it too homey.”

Rey was quietly proud of the house which felt like a true home now. She knew it was because it felt that way to Poe, too. It was their space, where they shared everything. She had never experienced that kind of closeness before but Rey thought it suited her.

As she set the teapot on the table she noticed Leia was looking at Poe’s saddlebags and belongings that still sat next to the pallet in the corner of the room. Nothing was said, so she didn’t attempt to make an excuse for his sleeping indoors, nor did she elaborate that it was actually in her bed. Instead she made polite small talk about the Solos’ Christmas and asked after Ben.

“He’ll be leaving for the Sand Hills soon. I think he finds this place too parochial after his time in Boston. Or perhaps it’s living under the same roof as his mother. Either way, he’s keen to prove himself and I suppose it’s time I let him.”

“You clearly love ranching too much to give it up completely,” Rey commented and took a seat to pour the tea. She handed Leia the unchipped cup after she joined her at the table.

“I do,” Leia said fondly. “I really do.”

“I quite enjoy it myself, what little I’ve experienced so far.”

“I suppose that means you’re still not interested in selling to me.”

Rey smothered a smile. “Yes.”

“You have a stubborn streak.” Leia pinned her with a sharp stare. “I like that about you. Very well, keep your place. But I do have another idea I’d like to put to you.”

“Please,” Rey prompted.

“The milder weather has been a welcome reprieve, for us as well as the ranchers in Montana and Wyoming. Which means there will be an excess of stock when it comes time to go to market next month. And that means lower prices for all of us.”

“Yes, I suppose so,” Rey said slowly, though she hadn’t really contemplated such an outcome.

“I’ll be holding onto my herd for now. I can wait out the market and still fulfill my army contracts. But I don’t suppose you can.”

It wasn’t something Rey had been expecting to speak about, not when she and Poe had barely discussed options for the cattle. They’d been so wrapped up in each other it hadn’t been hard to avoid the conversation, something she regretted not having now.

“I apologize for the blunt talk,” Leia said. “I don’t mean to cause you alarm, merely to offer a suggestion. I would like to buy your herd, if you mean to sell.”

Rey couldn’t hide her frown which made Leia smile before she continued. “I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t some ploy to steal the ranch out from under you. But if you’re looking to restock you’ll need capital. And that means selling the cattle you have.”

“I really haven’t thought it through yet.”

“Well, when you do I hope you’ll consider it. I’ll pay above market rate, and then you can do as you please.”

“Why would you do that?” Rey was genuinely confused and unable to stop herself from being so direct.

Leia smiled again, her dark eyes shining. “I suppose I’m getting sentimental in my old age. As happy as I’d be to take this place off your hands, I like that you’re here making a go of it. If I can help even a little… well, it’s not much to ask. And I know the quality of Lor’s stock when it’s all said and done. It’s an investment in my place as much as it is in yours.”

Rey wasn’t sure she believed that, given the tiny size of her remaining herd compared to Leia’s. But she still appreciated the offer, which she took as one of friendship, and she told her so.

“Can I let you know once I’ve had a chance to look at my options?” she asked.

Leia finished her tea. “Of course. You think on it. And if you can spare me another cup we can talk about more pleasant matters.”

Rey poured the tea and let Leia lead the conversation. She was already contemplating the discussion she was yet to have with Poe, the one she supposed they had both been avoiding since their feelings for each other became clear. There were plenty of unknowns when it came to the future, with decisions that she knew wouldn’t be easy. They were becoming unavoidable.

 

\+ + +

 

Poe and the ranch hands rode in an hour later. Rather than let her men rest Leia was set on continuing their journey home while there was still enough daylight.  

“How’re they looking, boys?” Leia called out when she and Rey walked onto the porch.

It amused Rey that she was checking on the cattle like she already owned them, and she was thankful when Poe’s reply was addressed to her and not Leia.

“The herd’s doing just fine, miss,” he said with a tug on his hat. Rey’s chest tightened at the deferential tone he used and the way he averted his gaze, but planted a smile on her face for Leia’s benefit.

He left B at the corral post before approaching the porch and waiting for Leia to bid Rey farewell with a promise to visit again soon. Then Leia took Poe’s proffered arm and they walked back to the wagon, their heads close together as they conversed for a few minutes. Rey didn’t like being left out, even though she doubted anything untoward was being discussed without her. She bit back her impatience, wishing for the visitors to be gone and things to be back to normal.

Once Leia was on her way, bells jingling on the horses’ harness, Rey was taken aback when Poe led B to the barn without so much as glancing at her. Something stopped her from going after him straight away, figuring he would return soon enough. When he stayed there until dusk, and she in the house, Rey worked herself into a sour mood.

While she didn’t like that they couldn’t be open in front of Leia yet, a friend to both of them and surely someone who wouldn’t begrudge them their happiness, she didn’t anticipate there would be any lasting effects from her visit. It upset her that he’d kept to himself afterwards when they were barely apart otherwise. Rey well knew they couldn’t live in isolation with just each other forever, and that meant talking about the future. Yet Poe had chosen to focus on work or whatever else was keeping him from the house, leaving her to brood.

“Is that how it’s going to be when anyone else is around?” Rey asked when he finally set foot inside again. She had planned a different start but wasn’t able to temper her words when he didn’t greet her or even look in her direction.

His back was to her as he took him time getting out of his coat. “What do you mean?”

“Where have you been?” she demanded tetchily.

“In the barn. Brushing down B.”

“All this time?”

He said nothing as he moved to wash up and Rey folded her arms over her chest.

“Leia offered to buy the herd. She said the market price wouldn’t be as high because of the milder winter.”

“I know, she told me,” Poe said, turning around to meet her eyes while he dried his hands.

“And? What do you think?”

He shrugged slightly. “It’s your decision. It’s your herd.”

It was the truth but his abrupt words still stung. She hadn’t expected to be alone in the decision.

“Don’t you have an opinion?”

“It’s a fair offer.”

Rey bit her bottom lip as she paused. “Why did you do that before? Call me ‘miss’ like that.”

“What was I supposed to call you?” Poe’s gaze was steady yet challenging.

She didn’t have an answer to that, and it didn’t make her feel any better.

“Is that all you and Leia talked about?” he asked.

“What do you mean?” she echoed his earlier words.

“You didn’t tell her about...us.” His tone and expression were even but she still felt a pang of guilt, as if she had betrayed him by not being honest with Leia.

“No, I…” She swallowed hard. “Did you say anything to her?”

“No.”

Rey was as confused as she was out of sorts. And though she had been missing him and knew they needed to talk, she suddenly didn’t want to be there.

“Your supper’s on the stove,” she said dully and retreated to the bedroom.

“What about you?”

“I’m not hungry.”

She closed the door between them and sat on the bed, her emotions muddled. She heard the scrape of his chair on the floor as he sat down, and his not coming after her again left her feeling miserable. Rey longed for the easy closeness they’d shared only that morning, before Leia’s arrival which signaled the rapidly approaching reality that they had yet to address. It scared her to think that anything could upset what they had, but nor was she naive enough to think that they wouldn’t have to confront it. She knew things might be difficult until they were settled.

Rey changed into her nightgown with a weariness borne of worry and sadness, and got into the bed they shared every night. It felt wrong without Poe. She felt wrong. They hadn’t disagreed before, with nary a cross word spoken between them. It caused an emptiness to form inside her.

It was another hour before he finally joined her, slipping into the darkened room with a lamp he placed at the bedside. Her back was to him but she heard him undress down to his long underwear. He placed more logs on the fire then got into bed beside her. Rey, having had quite enough separation from him, immediately rolled over into his waiting arms. He kissed the top of her head and held her tighter.

“I’m not ashamed about us,” she whispered after the lump in her throat had subsided. “I won't be made to feel like that by anyone. I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her.”

“I didn’t tell her either. We haven’t even talked about…” he trailed off, causing her to prop herself up so she could see his face in the lamp light.

“No, we haven’t.” Her hand came to rest over his heart. “Poe, I want us to be together.”

“So do I.”

“I mean together properly.” Rey nervously licked at the corner of her mouth. “I want us to be married.”

The frown didn’t leave his brow as he pushed himself further upright. “Rey, you know—”

“I don’t care what anyone thinks,” she interrupted. “Let them talk.”

One hand reached to cradle her jaw and he brushed his thumb over her cheek. “What if it’s not as simple as that? Men like me don’t marry women like you.”

“Because I’m English?”

Her lips quirked with a smile which caused his to as well. She knew the real cause of his wariness, but it was of no consequence as far as Rey was concerned.

“If a narrow-minded bigot has a problem with it he’ll have to tell me to my face.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about,” Poe said more seriously.

“I’m not. Besides we can always alter our plans, if it came down to it. I’ll sell the place to Leia, and we can go anywhere. As long as we’re together.”

Poe shook his head. “I don’t want you to have to give up your land. Not for me.”

She grasped his wrist beside her face. “I’d give it up for you in a heartbeat. Don’t you know that? I love you.”

He caressed her cheek again but looked no less reluctant to believe that they could share a future. She leaned forward to kiss him tenderly.

“You didn’t say it,” Rey whispered, her mouth still close to his. “I said I love you.”

“I love you, too,” he murmured.

She clapped him on the chest. “Well then, that’s settled.”

“Just like that?” Poe asked with a hint of amusement.

“Just like that.”

Rey lay down on her back and tugged his union suit so he nestled against her, her legs parting to provide the space. He kissed her deeply and without further argument. She sighed when his lips moved to her neck and she buried the fingers of one hand in his thick curls.

“Rey?”

“Hmm?” Her eyes opened slowly after he ceased his ministrations and she found him staring at her.

His smile was shy. “Will you marry me?”

Her fingertips brushed over his cheek and lips and she nodded. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

“I just wanted to ask you properly.” Poe grinned briefly before he dipped his mouth to kiss her.

 

\+ + +

 

They sat at the table together looking over Rey’s calculations. Selling the remaining cattle was the only way she could afford to restock the herd without depleting her meager savings, both of them agreed.

“If last year’s prices hold, stock in Ogallala would be this much,” Rey said, pointing to a figure. “Maybe less if there are more sellers than buyers. It would mean we could purchase nearly 200 head.”

She looked up at Poe who was frowning.

“It should be double that. Enough to sell each year and still maintain the breeding stock.”

“Maybe over time…” Rey looked at the numbers again that wouldn’t change no matter which way she calculated them. She would never compete with the big ranchers but nor did she seek to – she was content with enough to sustain them without delusions of riches like those of the Solos.

“Even buying poorer stock in Ogallala to fatten up here would cost too much,” Poe said. “But in Texas they’d be less than half that amount.”

“Can we do that?”

“For now. The open range is all but gone. With a few hundred head we could make it. I know the way.”

Rey updated the figures and they stared down at the calculations that represented opportunity and security. Poe went to his saddlebags to retrieve a wad of notes and placed it in front of her.

She recognized it as everything she’d paid him in wages, and more.

“This too,” he said.

“Poe—”

“The land is yours. I would never lay claim to it.” He gazed steadily at her, resolute. “But if we’re going to do this I can’t just be your ranch hand.”

“You’re not just my ranch hand. Everything will be ours,” she insisted as she curled her fingers around his.

“Then this is, too.”

Rey gave him a small smile and amended her numbers. If their planning held true it would mean four hundred head of cattle, with enough for some extra horses at Poe’s suggestion.

“What do we do about driving the cattle from Texas?” she asked.

“I can get help down there, starting with my pa.”

He didn’t smile when Rey did at the prospect of meeting his father, though she knew how much it meant to Poe to see him again.

“Do you think we might convince him to stay in Nebraska?” she continued with mounting excitement. “There’s plenty of room, we could build him his own cabin if he wanted.”

“He just might,” Poe replied, looking no more enthused. “I know him well enough to say he’ll make the trip, at least. But if we drive the cattle from Texas, Rey... it’ll mean you staying here.”

She felt her stomach drop and she withdrew her hand. “Why? I can help, you just need to show me how.”

“I know you can, I didn’t mean it that way,” he tried again. “Who’ll look after this place if we both go?”

“I could ask Leia... Maybe she’d let me hire one of her hands.”

“Which would cost more and mean less cattle.”

Rey stood up abruptly and walked away from the table, silenced by the turn of events. She paced the room while Poe slumped in his chair and didn’t say any more. 

“How long would it take?” she said eventually.

He sighed. “Close to three months round trip. Maybe longer if the weather doesn’t hold.”

“Three months!”

“I’ll have to go almost to the border.”

His idea for cheaper cattle had merit but it came at a much higher cost that she was prepared for. Rey turned her back while she gathered her emotions, which for now were mostly anger and distress that they needed to be parted. She could barely imagine one night away from him, let alone twelve long weeks. Poe came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin coming to rest on her shoulder. She exhaled sharply even as sadness threatened to overwhelm her.

“I love you,” he reminded her. "We can do this."

She turned around to face him after a while longer and placed her hands on his chest. She wanted to argue further. She wanted him to say he changed his mind because he couldn't be away from her for so long. He didn't, and nor did she. Instead she took a deep breath.    

“Three months,” Rey repeated resolutely. “And then what?”

“Then I come back with four hundred head of cattle and one old Guatemalan.”

“And _then_ what?”

Poe smiled when he understood. “Then we get married, if you’ll still have me.”

Rey gripped his collar and pulled him towards her so she could kiss him soundly. He responded by cupping her face and pressing lighter kisses to her nose and cheeks.

“I will come back to you,” he said, touching his forehead to hers.

She nodded, unable to say more due to the tightness in her throat. He held her again, running a soothing hand over her back while she buried her face in the crook of his neck.

“When will you go?” she managed to ask.

“The sooner we get the cattle back here the better. In a week or so, maybe. Assuming Leia’s offer still stands to buy the herd.”

Reluctantly she pulled away and looked into his eyes. “Will you ride over there and tell her I accept?”

“Don’t you want to go?”

Rey shook her head. If she was going to remain behind while he went to Texas she had to get used to being on her own again. She still wasn’t convinced that it was for the best, no matter what Poe said.

He rode out the next morning for Leia’s and she spent the day trying to reconcile what three months would be like without him. By the time he returned that afternoon with a bank note for the sale price, Rey was less interested in the cattle as she was showing him how much she missed him.

 

\+ + +

 

The night before Poe was due to depart they lay in each other’s arms and spoke in hushed tones about what the bigger herd would mean. They talked about the changes they could make to the ranch. Rey had already been thinking about plans for the house to expand it when they needed more room. They imagined their children growing up on the land, an idea that sparked tears in her eyes when she pictured them. She didn’t doubt a happy future, and reasoned with herself that it would only be a short separation until it began in earnest.  

Everything was in readiness. They had purchased the supplies he would need during their first trip back to town. Poe wired his father about helping to gather the herd and, at Rey’s insistence, included a formal invitation to come to Nebraska. He assured her his father would need little convincing, especially once he found out about their plans to marry.

Too soon the morning arrived and Poe woke early. Rey didn’t let him leave their warm bed without one last reminder of their love and commitment to each other, which made her feel even more bereft afterwards when he kissed her bare shoulder and went to get ready. Before long B was saddled and the other mare, the one they had named Hera, was set up as a pack horse. They had coffee together but neither felt much like eating. Rey didn’t bother getting dressed properly either, wearing her nightgown and wrapper into the yard when he said it was time to go.

She was determined not to cry, having shed her tears the previous night while Poe repeatedly whispered his promise to come back to her.

“You know to ride to Leia’s place if you need anything,” he said, not for the first time. “She’ll send Chewbacca to help out if you want it.”

Rey held onto B’s bridle and rubbed his muzzle. “I know.”

“And you have the pistol as well as the rifle, even though you don’t like using it…”

“I will if I need it,” she confirmed.

“I know you can look after yourself, and this place.”

Rey nodded, though there was less to look after with the herd now gone and all but two of the horses. She only had the cow and the chickens to see to as it was too early to think about replanting her garden.

“I’ll send word once we have the cattle, so you’ll know when we’re coming,” Poe said as he stood in front of her.

Rey nodded again, unable to use her voice. Her fingers moved to grip the silver cross around her neck.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can," he said solemnly. "I love you.”

“I love you,” she was able to murmur before he gave her a long, last kiss.

Poe stepped away and quickly pulled himself into the saddle, as if it would make it easier to leave.

“Be careful,” Rey said urgently, though she had already made him promise to stay safe.

“I’ll see you soon, Mrs. Dameron.”

She smiled wanly at the name which he’d given her the previous night when he presented her with a ring he’d made from the fine strands of a plaited rope. It was accompanied by a vow to replace it with a proper one on his return. She wore it now, not caring that it wasn’t the gold ring he wanted her to have or that there was no preacher present to witness their commitment to each other. In her mind they were as good as married, the rest was just a formality.

Poe touched his fingers to his hat in a familiar gesture, and without another word he set off. Rey wanted to call out after him and say everything that had already been said, but the words died on her lips as tears pooled in her eyes and she could barely see him riding away. She didn’t try and stop herself from crying once he cleared the hill of the ranch and was gone. She returned to their bed and wept until she couldn’t any longer.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied. I totally lied and said the previous chapter was the penultimate one. Now look at what I did – I finished this bit here and extended the chapter count. (Actually this chapter just got way too long so I split it.) So, um, sorry about that. 
> 
> I have not, however, added an angst tag so you know (spoiler!) we’re getting a happy ending. It's just ever so slightly delayed by a cattle drive from Texas.


	9. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months never felt so long, but it isn’t forever. For Rey and Poe what comes next is.

“It’s so good to see you,” Rey said to Leia as soon as her neighbor got down from her horse. Then she promptly burst into tears, causing Leia to draw her into a motherly embrace.

“Well, my girl, you’re in a state alright,” Leia replied with a tut of her tongue. She let Rey go and handed her a handkerchief. “I should have known and come sooner.”

Rey had been a week on her own and she hadn’t gotten any more used to the solitude. The hope that keeping herself busy would lessen her loneliness was a futile one. She had little energy to do her chores, persevering only because she had to and it was what Poe would expect. As soon as she was finished milking and collecting the eggs each morning she invariably ended up back in bed, sometimes in tears, other times too tired to cry. At night she lay awake for hours wondering how far south he had gotten and if he was safe, unable to quiet her thoughts when she let herself contemplate the worst.

While Leia’s visit was welcome Rey was struggling to come up with a suitable excuse for her emotional reaction. She dried her eyes with renewed calm.

“I’m not sure what you mean, I’m feeling quite well,” Rey said.

Leia pursed her lips before continuing. “How long has Poe been gone?”

“Eight days… Why?”

“I think you should let me make the tea this time,” was all Leia said in response. She took her by the arm and led her inside while Rey fought against revealing everything, feeling unable and unwilling to hide the truth any longer.

Leia deposited her in a chair then set about making some tea from the kettle left heating on the stove. Rather than protest a guest being put to work Rey let her, grateful for the care and attention. Leia reminded her of the kindly staff who had taken her under their wing when she first entered into service. It was a memory that threatened to undo her again, and she mentally chastised herself for her current state of weakness.

By the time Leia sat down with two steaming cups Rey had composed herself and murmured her thanks. Leia sipped at the tea and watched her over the rim of the cup.

“If you’re missing your ranch hand this much after a week, I’d say I need to stop by a bit more frequently,” she said.

Rey set down her cup, her cheeks coloring slightly. “I, um… We... That is, Poe and I...”

“You don’t owe me an explanation, dear.”

“We plan to get married,” Rey blurted out. She felt a rush of relief tinged with trepidation as she searched Leia’s face for shock. To her surprise Leia just nodded.

“I know. He told me.”

“He did?”

“When he rode over to accept the offer on the herd.” Leia smiled slyly. “Of course I thought something squirrelly was going on when I visited last time, with all the furtive looks you were giving each other.”

Rey smiled too, though it was something more akin to a grimace when she remembered that uncomfortable afternoon. She wondered why Poe hadn’t let her know he’d spoken to Leia. Her expression faded when she suspected it was because he wanted Leia to look out for her in his absence, or if something happened that prevented his return. She wiped surreptitiously at her eyes again.  

Leia’s face softened. “You chose a good man, Rey. And I’m happy for the both of you, I really am. But I can’t say there won’t be folks who think differently.”

“I know. I don’t care.” Rey’s voice sounded small to her own ears but her determination was not.

“No, I don’t suppose you do,” Leia said thoughtfully. “You’ve clearly got your heart set. I understand. It wasn’t that long ago I felt the same way about who I wanted to marry, despite my family’s objections. Sometimes you have to follow your heart.”

Rey nodded. “I am.”

“Good. And if you need any help reminding folks around here to mind their own business, you just let me know. I’ll see to it no one bothers you.”

Rey didn’t doubt it. Leia was a formidable woman, and one clearly thought of well by the townspeople. She was thankful for such an ally, and being able to call her friend.

 

\+ + +

 

Rey felt better after Leia’s visit but it was short lived. During the days that followed she went about her work with scant enthusiasm. She took to going to bed early and getting up after the sun had well and truly risen so the days seemed shorter. She lacked the motivation to go hunting and didn’t even bother cooking most days, having cornbread and milk for the majority of her meals.

While she had a standing invitation to ride over to Leia’s any time she wanted, Rey was reluctant to leave the ranch even when she was feeling at her lowest. It was as if not being there would make the pain of her separation from Poe more acute. At least at the ranch she had physical reminders of every tender moment they’d shared. She had the book that he’d read to her, the pillow he slept on, and the shirt he left behind that she wore more often than her own. Then there were his notes.

Rey had come across the first one just after he’d ridden away and she’d taken to her bed. The scrap of paper was under her pillow with the words ‘I love you’ written in his hand. The next one was in her tea canister bearing the same simple message, and another tucked between the pages of her Almanac. Poe had expressed regret about not being able to tell her the words every day and found a different way to remind her. Rey restrained herself from looking further so she could find them serendipitously as he intended. Then on a particularly bad day when she felt empty for missing him, she searched greedily in the house and barn until she had more than two dozen notes in her hands. The sight left her feeling bereft all over again.

Leia returned every few days to bring her a book or package of food after she told Rey she was looking sickly. On one visit she opened her bulging coat to reveal a puppy, explaining that he was from her Pointer’s latest litter. Leia handed her the brown and white speckled bundle and Rey was immediately taken with him.

“He’ll make a good gun dog,” Leia informed her, ever practical. “And I suppose he’ll do for company while he’s growing.”

Rey chuckled as the puppy licked her face and squirmed in her arms. She named him Shadow when he proceeded to follow her everywhere she went, and slept by her side on a blanket in front of the fire each night. Having the dog to look after gave her something else to focus on as the days turned into weeks, and she started sharing her thoughts out loud with him rather than write in her journal. The ever attentive pup stared at her while she babbled on, even tilting his head as if he found it interesting.

As soon as the timing was about right, Rey rode into town to check for a telegram from Poe. Her heart was practically beating out of her chest when there was a message waiting for her that confirmed his safe arrival in San Antonio and that a letter would follow. Her relief was immediate, and though she didn’t miss him any less, she knew he would come back to her as soon as he was able. It sparked excitement in her again and she went straight back to work on the ranch so everything would be ready when he returned.

Rey would be patient. Poe and their future together were worth the wait.

 

\+ + +

 

By the third week of May the weather was pleasantly warm. Without the snow the ranch was looking lush and green. Her garden was replanted in anticipation of an early summer crop, and Rey had even expanded it with Kes joining them. She was raking out the barn when she heard the sound, almost a minute after Shadow’s ears pricked up where he sat by the door. She froze until she was certain, hoping it wasn’t a figment of her over active imagination. She held her breath as she listened intently to the distant bellowing of a herd.

Rey’s grin was instantaneous, as was the fluttering in her stomach. She ran out and saw the line of cattle being led into the valley by a large bull. Ahead of it was the unmistakable sight of Poe astride B, hat in hand as he looked back and waved them in. A wagon rolled alongside the herd further back as they kept coming – she had yet to see the end of them. Her focus was solely on Poe as she strode into the yard, while Shadow barked excitedly.

The cattle started moving faster when they got the smell of the creek and the prospect of fresh water. Poe let them go and peeled off towards the corral, kicking B into a gallop. Rey grinned at the eagerness of his approach, running forward herself to close the distance. B hadn't even come to a full stop before Poe was off its back and he scooped her up in a crushing embrace. Rey clung to him for dear life, laughing and crying at the same time as he swung her around. He kissed her, long and hard, then hugged her again. When he finally set her down after they kissed several more times, it was only so they could look at each other properly. Rey touched the beard he had regrown, checking for any other changes and finding none. He was exactly as he was before, smiling at her with shining eyes.

“You came back,” she said through the happiest tears she had ever shed.

“You always were surprised when I did that,” Poe replied with a shake of his head.

It was the truth, and she acknowledged it.

“How have you been? Alright?” he asked.

She nodded, her voice thick with emotion. “I am now. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too. I missed telling you I love you.”

“I missed hearing it.” Rey kissed him again, softly this time, taking a moment to refamiliarize herself with the feel of him when he held her once more.

“Who’s this?” Poe chuckled when the puppy made his presence known by yapping and sniffing around his legs.

“A gift from Leia. His name is Shadow.”

Poe bent to scratch the dog’s ears briefly before returning his attention to Rey. He gave her an apologetic look.

“I’m dusty, I should have cleaned up first,” he said and she saw the dirt that had transferred from him to her work clothes.  

“I don’t mind at all.”

Rey felt a little differently when the wagon was driven into the yard and she realized she was about to meet Poe’s father, and her future father-in-law. It wasn’t the first impression she’d been wanting to give but Poe was still holding onto her so she couldn’t sneak away to clean up.

“Don’t worry, you look beautiful,” he murmured, having picked up that she was feeling self-conscious in her baggy pair of Lor’s pants.

He took off his gloves and wiped at her cheeks. She knew she must have looked a sight thanks to a mix of dust and tears. It was too late to do anything else as Kes Dameron climbed down from his wagon. Rey was smiling nervously as she waited for him to approach, noting how similar he and Poe looked and thinking him almost as handsome as her fiancé. She stepped forward and greeted him in Spanish, hoping she got the words right, and welcomed him to the ranch. When she addressed him as Mr. Dameron, Kes looked from her to Poe and back again.

“After a reunion like that, I think it’s best if you call me pa, don’t you?” he said.

Rey beamed happily and kissed his cheek which made Kes blush under his broad hat. Poe was at her side again and wrapped an arm around her. He nudged her just as Rey noticed another rider coming up behind the wagon.

“This is Finn, a friend from Texas who helped with the drive.”

She was still smiling at the new arrival, who was even dustier than Poe having trailed the herd, as he got down from his horse.

“How do you do, miss?” he asked politely.

“Very well, thank you, Mr.—?” she enquired.

“Ah, just Finn will do, miss.”

“Rey, please,” she corrected him. “Welcome.”

Finn’s dazzling grin was infectious and Poe kissed her temple. It was clear he felt no need to hide their closeness in front of his father and friend and it didn’t bother her one bit. She invited them all into the house but Poe said they had to spread the herd first.

“All four hundred,” he confirmed proudly. “It won’t take long, then we’ll see to the horses.”

In addition to the ones they were riding and the pair hitched to Kes’s wagon, there were six horses roped together that Finn led to the corral, including Hera. One was a stallion, Poe had told her in a letter, so they could breed the mares. He had already started planning for next winter, and the money they would need to ensure sufficient feed for the herd. The horses could provide the extra income if it came to that.

Rey was reluctant to let him go so quickly but as soon as a horse had been saddled for Kes all three of them rode off to tend to the cattle. She went to the house to start a hearty meal for them all, after washing up and changing first so she felt more respectable in a skirt and blouse. Once their work was done the men bathed in the creek. She had the door to the house open to let the heat of the stove out, and she smiled at the first hollers after they hit the cold running water.

As darkness fell they came back to the yard scrubbed and gussied up, first stopping to help Kes unload some goods from his wagon which included plenty of supplies. Poe was freshly shaven again which she was able to appreciate when he swiftly kissed her before Kes and Finn followed him inside the house. Rey was desperate to be alone with him properly but it would have to wait as everyone settled in at the table and she served supper.

They spent a merry night eating and telling her all about the cattle drive. Rey laughed along at the tales that Kes, who prided himself as something of a storyteller, recounted. Poe sat next to her, his hand holding hers under the table. More than once she caught him staring at her with an open, adoring gaze that should have embarrassed her in front of the others, but she felt nothing of the sort.

They talked for a few hours, during which Rey learned more about Kes and how they’d met Finn, before the first noises were made about turning in for the night. She looked questioningly at Poe when it became clear their sleeping arrangements had already been decided. Kes would sleep in the back of his wagon and Finn and Poe would make a campfire like they had each night on the trail. She didn’t voice any objection, not when Poe winked at her brazenly behind their backs before departing to help Kes and Finn get situated. She wasn’t sure if the ruse was to protect her honor or to satisfy the social norm now that they weren’t alone. Either way, she bid them all good night and counted down the minutes until Poe returned.

She wore nothing but her summer nightgown, adjusting its short sleeves and the cross around her neck until she was happy with the way they looked, then brushed out her long hair. She waited with growing anticipation until she heard the slip of the door bolt not long after. Poe had already shed his boots and belt and his burgundy shirt was half unbuttoned when he entered the bedroom and closed that door behind him too. Rey was kneeling on the bed as he stepped up and kissed her without a word, not stopping this time until they were both breathless.

“I said I’d come back,” he said, leaving feather-light kisses on her neck.

“And you said we’d get married when you did,” she reminded him as she tried not to be distracted by the sensation.

Poe smiled knowingly when he shifted to gaze at her. He reached into his pocket.

“I came prepared.”

He open his hand to reveal a matching pair of gold wedding bands. Rey gave a quiet gasp and touched her fingertips to them before meeting his eyes.

“Would you do me the honor of placing that on my finger, Mr. Dameron? And allow me to do the same.”

“Don’t we need a preacher?”

“That can come later.”

She held out the fingers of her left hand to him. He indulged her by removing the handmade version she wore and replacing it with the ring, then held out his hand so she could slip his on. They admired them together, the gold glinting in the lamplight.

“Let’s go to town tomorrow,” Rey said eagerly. “The preacher can marry us then.”

“Tomorrow?” Poe wore a bemused expression. “We need to see to the cattle. There’s branding to be done and...”

He stopped talking when Rey grasped his left hand and placed it beneath her belly. She held it there until his eyes widened at the feel of the unmistakable bump that was almost too big to hide. She smiled as he took a moment to comprehend what she’d had a little longer to get used to, thanks to some timely guidance from Leia.

“Let’s go to town tomorrow,” he agreed soberly after he recovered from the shock. She saw the flash of worry on his face. “Are you… Are you well?”

She nodded and covered his hand with both her own. Poe let out a breath, his eyes bright even in the low light.

“I love you, Rey.”

“I know.” Her smile broadened. “And everyone else will, too, before much longer. So the sooner we get married the better.”

The worry lines on his brow returned. “Do you wish we hadn’t? That we’d waited?”

“Not for a moment,” she said, never more certain of anything in her whole life.

Rey wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him in reassurance, before laying back on the bed and pulling him with her so they could share how much they loved each other, just not by words.

 

\+ + +

 

As May turned into June and the branding of the cattle was completed, the Dameron men began work on a second cabin, ably assisted by Finn. Kes, having witnessed his son’s wedding then finding out he was to be a grandfather in October, declared he was staying put. At his insistence the cabin would serve as the ranch cookhouse as well, as Kes took over most of the meal duties. He preferred cooking outdoors, but they planned a large hearth for the colder months to his exact specifications. Rey didn’t need convincing as soon as she tried the biscuits he made each morning in his dutch oven. They were the reason she became an early riser once more, and she and Kes would spend an hour together over breakfast while Poe and Finn got to work.

They were cutting and stripping logs for Kes’s cabin when Rey brought them some water and a suggestion for a spot where another one could be built for Finn next. The man in question looked up in surprise from the saw that he and Poe were working.

“Me?” he asked.

“If you’d like to stay, too,” Rey said. “You’re more than welcome.”

She had enthusiastically agreed when Poe wanted to hire on Finn for the summer and fall. With the herd the size that it was there were more considerations for winter feed production, and it was too much work for Poe on his own. Finn had proved to be not only a hard worker but a cheerful presence at the ranch, and Rey liked him instantly. She saw no reason why they shouldn’t offer him a permanent place.

“I hadn’t thought on it,” Finn stammered and glanced at Poe. “The thing is, I’ve been working in San Antonio a while now. I figured to return in a few months.”

“There’s plenty of work here if you want it,” Rey offered. She knew it would only increase as her ability to do her usual chores was impacted by her pregnancy. Kes was already a welcome help with the garden, and she didn’t want him having to work with the cattle and horses as well to assist Poe. They needed another ranch hand and she hoped Finn would be it.

She moved to her husband’s side. “Tell him. We want you to stay, Finn.”  

“You’d better ‘fess up,” Poe said to him. “She won’t let it go once her mind is made up.”

Finn looked between them and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “The thing is, I was hoping… That is, I was planning…”

“There’s a woman he’s sweet on back in San Antonio,” Poe interjected, then grinned at the betrayal that flooded Finn’s face. “He’s saving up to get married.”

“Well, bring her here. Why not?” Rey countered. She certainly wouldn’t object to more female company. Leia had gone to check on her Sand Hills ranch not long after the wedding, and wouldn’t be back for months. She’d promised to be there for the baby’s birth but Rey knew her plans might change.

Finn was still looking uncomfortable and she didn’t understand why.

“Is she set on staying in Texas, your young lady?” she asked.

“No, I don’t think so. Her family’s all gone now, it’s just her.”

“Then surely a move to Nebraska would not be so very daunting. Not if the two of you are to be married.”

“She’s not from here,” Finn mumbled. “America, I mean.”

Rey shrugged. “Nor am I.”

“Us neither,” chimed in Kes.

“There you are, she’d fit right in,” Rey insisted. “You should send for her. Unless you haven’t proposed yet, because you should really do that in person.”

Poe started chuckling. “I told you, Finn. You may as well give in now.”

Rey didn’t give up her questioning of Finn over the next few days, finally getting out of him that his sweetheart’s name was Rose and she was a seamstress by trade. Another week later Rey convinced him to let her help compose a letter to find out if Rose was amenable to moving north. They heard nothing for weeks, then one day Kes returned from town with supplies and the mail, which included a reply from Texas.

Finn looked up slowly from the reading the letter. “She said yes. I’m getting married.”

 

\+ + +

 

Growing up Rey had never known what it was to have a proper family. Since her arrival at the ranch to meet a distant, elderly relation she had gained friends she held dear, a father-in-law who doted on her, and a loving husband who had changed her life so completely she barely remembered a time before him. It was to change again when she became a mother.

Flora Bey Dameron, named in honor of the cousin who had given Rey the opportunity to make her own home and her own family, and the mother-in-law who she would never meet but whose cross she wore, was born in the last week of October, 1890. The ranch had been in upheaval, with Kes riding to alert Leia, and Poe galloping into town on B for the doctor. Rose, who had been her constant companion during the last month of Rey’s pregnancy, panicked at the idea she may have to assist in the delivery and enlisted the help of her husband. Finn was well versed in cattle births, a prospect that didn’t assuage Rey’s nerves when her contractions grew stronger. To her relief Leia arrived and shooed out her friends who meant well but would be of little use, and kept her calm until the doctor came just in time to bring their daughter into the world.

Flora was the apple of everyone’s eye, but especially her father who insisted on holding her whenever he wasn’t working. Rey wondered if all first time fathers were the same or if Poe was especially enamored of his baby girl. She’d been worried at first that he would be disappointed about not having a son, but he had rejected the idea outright.

“I wouldn’t change her for the world,” Poe had said when he held her for the first time and proved it every day since.

Rey had been looking forward to her second Christmas on the ranch. It was hard to believe how different it was from the first but she was no less excited. She and Rose decorated the house and Kes cooked non stop for two days prior. By the time they sat down to dinner – all six of them with Flora propped up against Poe’s chest – Rey felt a sense of overwhelming gratitude.

That night after everyone had returned to their cabins and Rey lay in bed with Flora asleep at her side, she buried her nose in the baby’s fine, brown hair. She heard Poe come back inside and waited until he’d shed his coat and boots, settled Shadow down in his bed by the stove, and let himself into the warm bedroom.

“Did Pa make it to bed safely?” she asked. Kes had imbibed a little too much Christmas cheer and Poe felt the need to escort him the short distance from the main house.

“He did. Biscuits may not be ready at the usual time tomorrow,” he said with a grin as he undressed. “Do you want me to put her down?”

Rey shook her head. “Leave her here, at least for a while longer.”

The cradle that Poe had made was right next to the bed but they often slept with the baby between them, both of them wanting to be close to her.

Once Poe had seen to the fire he got into bed, kissed them both on the forehead and rested against his pillow with a sigh. She watched him for a few moments in the low lamplight.

“Poe?”

“Mmm?” he replied without opening his eyes.

“Did you ever think it would be like this?”

“What would?”

“Our life.”

He blinked and looked at her, then at Flora as he rested his hand gently on the baby’s chest. “No. At least, not at first. After a while I got to hoping.”

“When? When did you get to hoping?”

“I’m not sure I rightly recall.”

Rey pouted slightly and he smothered a smile, clearly understanding what she wanted to hear. He reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear.

“Probably when I found your hair ribbon and I didn’t give it straight back to you. I kept it until—”

“You gave me flowers,” she finished for him. “But that was months before…”

“Like I said, I got to hoping. I never thought we’d end up here. I never thought I’d be so lucky.”

“You’re not the only lucky one.”

Rey got up and padded over to the dresser and retrieved her journal from the top drawer. She sat on the edge of the bed beside him and held it in her lap.

“You never even opened this, did you?”

Poe pushed himself up gently so as not to disturb the baby. He shook his head. “I figured you’d show it to me one day, when you were ready. Or when I was ready to find out what you thought of me at first.”

Rey handed him the journal. When he opened the pages he soon saw there was a pressed wildflower on nearly every one.

“I saved each of them before they went brown,” she explained as he turned the pages carefully. Days, weeks and months were captured in her small, neat handwriting. “I kept them because they got me hoping, too.”

Poe flipped all the way to the end of the journal, the last page of which was about Flora. “What happens now?” he asked.

“Now I start the new journal I ordered.”

“I should have brought you more flowers.”

“There’s always next spring. I think I’ll have plenty more to write about.”

Poe smiled and handed it back to her. While she returned the journal to the dresser he laid a still-sleeping Flora into her cradle and made sure she was warm enough. After Rey blew out her lantern she crawled back under the covers and nestled against him. He tucked himself around her and kissed her.

“I love you,” he said, lips brushing against her skin.

She had lost count of the number of times he’d told her that, but would never tire of hearing it. She hoped he would continue telling her every day.

“I love you,” she murmured.

Rey would say it back every day, too.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys… thank you for indulging me with this fluffy piece, and being so generous and encouraging with your feedback. 🌸 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the ride.


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